Don’t Leave Your Self-Care for Hell Week
Unmet needs in the follicular phase will simply boil over and become unmet needs in the luteal phase, except they'll probably feel so much worse.
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Do you feel the pressure to get back into the swing of things once you come back out of the luteal phase?
And then the burnout of going through the cycle--yet again--of feeling completely useless for 2 weeks and then trying to do it all, all at once, for the next 2 weeks?
Do you fear giving yourself what you need in the follicular phase because you're afraid to fall behind even further?
What if it was the other way around? What if honoring your needs all throughout your cycle could actually help your whole cycle to feel more stable, with fewer wild swings up and down?
Join me as I explore this idea in this episode.
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Title: Don't Leave Your Self-Care For Hell Week
Episode number: 10
Date: 12/01/23
Solo episode: Diane is the only speaker
INTRO (00:00)
If you want to learn how you can live better with PMDD, this podcast was created for you. This is Mindfulness for PMDD with Diane. I'm Diane and I'm a registered dietitian and lactation consultant. I'm also a mom, a PMDD warrior, and a trauma-informed mindfulness teacher. And this is where I discuss topics related to PMDD through the lens of mindfulness and meditation and where I share all about how mindfulness has gotten me to a place of greater peace and acceptance with my PMDD.
I also chat with people who have helped and inspired me along the way so they can share their wisdom with you too. So let's get started.
SAFETY NOTE / DISCLAIMER (00:00:51)
This podcast is not a substitute for psychological therapy or medical advice. Please take care when listening to this podcast, as some may find certain words or subjects triggering or difficult to hear. Take only what serves you and leave the rest behind.
WHEN YOU COME OUT OF PMDD AND FEEL PRESSURE TO CATCH UP ON EVERYTHING (00:01:08)
Hello, friends and PMDD warriors. My son's school was closed the entire week of Thanksgiving, which was also the second half of my luteal phase. This means he was pretty much home with me for nine days straight. And while I loved hanging out with him, building Lego and playing Pokemon, it's also true that it was hell trying to get anything done.
So by Sunday night, I was developing a pretty solid case of the Sunday scaries, I think they call it. That anxiety about all the things that I had to do and that were waiting for me in the week ahead. So Monday morning came and I knew I had a choice to make.
I could, A, get hooked into that feeling of being behind, behind at work, behind on housework, behind on general life admin, and just plow into this week full force. I mean, by Monday I was day three, so I was also getting my energy back. Or B, I could lean into creating and holding a space for transition. Transitioning from the luteal phase to the follicular phase. Transitioning from holiday time and days off school to going back to our regular schedule of work and school.
I chose B. I chose door number two. I decided I needed to give myself a moment to come down from the increased stress of the past week or so, to enjoy the peace and quiet for a second, and to set my intention for the week ahead. Not just prioritizing my to-do list for the week, although that was part of it, but also reminding myself that I would get greater benefit from easing into the week, being thoughtful about my decisions and my actions, rather than clicking into autopilot.
So my son went to school and I made myself some tea and did some crocheting while letting a movie play in the background. Mind you, I maybe did this for half an hour, not a very long period of time, but making that time for myself was so restorative. I did this before anything else so that I charged my battery first and nurtured myself first.
And I noticed that I was able to enter back into my work with a clear mind and a settled nervous system without bringing resentment and anxiety into my day.
THE SMALL CHOICES THAT TURN ORDINARY SELF-CARE INTO REAL SUPPORT (00:04:15)
Later, I took my dog on a walk and I, I usually like to take a long walk if I can, if I have the time, but I knew that that also could have triggered anxiety about ending up far from home and thus far from my work. So instead, I made it a short, but higher quality walk. I left my phone and my earbuds in my pocket so I could take in my surroundings and really clear my head.
And without explicitly setting off on one of my mindful walks, I started to notice things. I noticed the contrast of the brown and orange autumn leaves against so much green grass and brightly colored flowers and even a monarch butterfly. And I could feel the crisp, cool air at the same time as I could feel the warmth of the sun on my back. And I might've missed all that had I been on my phone.
So I got in some exercise, I walked the dog and I made it quickly back to work. But I had a richer, more meaningful experience in the process than I might otherwise have had.
I also had planned to do a strength training exercise that day since I was getting my energy back. But checking in with my body, I realized I just wasn't ready for it. On day three, I often still feel too vulnerable to the increase in cortisol and inflammation that comes with weightlifting, so I did some yoga instead.
Afterward, I seriously felt like I could see more clearly, my mood was lighter, and I felt ready to get back to my day.
WHY YOUR FOLLICULAR PHASE NEEDS CARE TOO, NOT JUST YOUR HELL WEEK (00:06:23)
And I share this story with you because it relates to what I want to talk about today, which is practicing listening to our needs all month long and not just in our luteal phase and not just when we're at our wit's end. Because unmet needs in the follicular phase will simply boil over and become unmet needs in the luteal phase, except they'll probably feel so much worse.
They'll feel worse because PMDD makes us physiologically more sensitive to stress in the luteal phase. And waiting for the luteal phase, waiting for that final straw to meet our needs will feel like a higher mountain to climb because our capacity will be lower.
So to continue with the example of coming back from the Thanksgiving holiday, what if I had made the decision that I couldn't waste another moment? I needed to dive straight into all the things. Don't take a moment for myself. No time for that. Don't reflect on my intention for this week, what I want to prioritize, how I want to show up in my life this week. Just start doing, just start taking care of business left and right.
In the short term, it might have felt good. I might have started ticking off boxes and feeling a sense of relief that maybe I was catching up on all that I had neglected during my Thanksgiving luteal phase.
But in the long term, and I know, cause I've done this before many times, even after a few days or even a few hours, I would begin to feel that burnout. That feeling like I'm just going to explode. That feeling like I'm drowning and I can't handle going through the cycle yet again, feeling completely useless for two weeks, and then trying to do it all, all at once for the next two weeks.
And eventually I realized I needed to check in with myself and honor my needs all cycle long. So I can go into each luteal phase feeling physically, mentally, emotionally stronger. So I can actually benefit from nurturing my diet and my exercise and my sleep hygiene. And so that I can build healthy habits, like mindfulness, because all of those things are easier to do, easier to practice, easier to implement when we're feeling good.
And then, since we've made a habit of these things, they're easier to apply in our luteal phase when we're really desperate to feel their benefit.
THE SURPRISING REASON SLOWING DOWN CAN HELP YOU DO MORE (00:09:21)
And I was shocked and amazed to find that actually taking care of myself all cycle long and even pacing myself all month long ultimately led me to feeling like my luteal phases were so much more manageable and feeling like overall I could engage with my own life so much more and do more of the things that matter to me.
My business coach, Nikita, mentioned when I interviewed her, and I can link to that episode in the show notes, she said that so many of her clients express disbelief that when they actually slow down, pace themselves and honor their needs, they actually find that they are able to accomplish so much more. And that this is such a common revelation experienced by her clients.
So anyway, around this time that I was discovering this sort of radical, continuous self-care that doesn't wait until things are at their worst, I also saw the benefit of practicing mindfulness all throughout my cycle. Not only did I get more benefit from mindfulness, but practicing it during my better times helped me to really develop a practice I could stick with.
Because in my follicular phase, I could experiment with different kinds of mindfulness exercises. I could practice catching myself in a moment, maybe when I was becoming really irritable. I could discover my favorite times of day and favorite ways to practice. And the more I did it while feeling pretty good, the easier it was to put into practice during my luteal phase, when I felt like I needed it the most.
And then because I practiced experimenting with mindfulness in my follicular phase, when I got to my luteal phase, it was easier to experiment with using specific mindfulness exercises to help me when I was experiencing certain symptoms in particular.
And then the really exciting part, the part that that was the most mind-blowing for me, was that when I did start to practice mindfulness and self-care, which for me, I kind of tie them together, that's when I saw it bleeding into the rest of my life, not just my PMDD. And that's when I really started to see mindfulness everywhere and how you can really do it so many different ways and anytime and anywhere and how it really can have such a big beautiful impact on your whole life.
WHAT COUNTS AS SELF-CARE WHEN YOU HAVE PMDD (00:12:23)
So I want to share two more thoughts, and I think I've sort of hinted at this already, but I really think it's important to call these two things out.
So one, self-care can look like a lot of different things. It can be taking a pause when transitioning from one activity to another. It can look like going for a walk. It can look like cutting something from your schedule or your task list to reclaim time and energy for yourself. It can be, you know, consciously choosing to eat a meal without any distractions or realizing when intense exercise isn't right for you and switching to a walk or yoga instead.
It can be spending time in nature. Self-care can be going to bed early or taking a nap.
And similarly, mindfulness can look like a lot of different things as well. And it can look like meeting your needs all throughout your cycle. Because mindfulness is bringing your attention to your present moment experience and accepting what you find with kindness and without judgment.
So if you can, throughout your cycle, pause to check in with yourself. And instead of feeling down about what you find and reacting, you might choose to ask, how can I give myself more of what I need in this moment? And then respond with meaningful, intentional, thoughtful action.
And if you can do that, or even if you just give it a try, even if it's not perfect, that is mindfulness.
So just something to consider. I know it can really feel like a lot of pressure to get back into the swing of things once you come back out of the luteal phase, but if you can find just a little tiny moment here or there to experiment with taking that time for yourself, doing a little check in with yourself continuously in your, in your follicular phase, not just your luteal phase, you might just find that it helps you move forward with just a bit more ease.
THE PROGRAM THAT HELPS YOU BUILD MINDFULNESS BEFORE YOU NEED IT MOST (00:15:12)
So before I go, I want to remind you that the wait list is open for Mindfulness for PMDD. In Mindfulness for PMDD, we tie all of this together, working with our cycle to implement different forms of mindfulness where we need it the most, applying mindfulness in a practical way, and making sure we honor our needs.
The program combines short guided meditations with practical mindfulness prompts, plenty of tools and resources, and even one-to-one check ins so that you can develop a mindfulness practice that works for you and your PMDD with plenty of guidance and support and accountability. So that you can start to manage your stress and live better with PMDD.
I specifically designed it so that you can show up for yourself and continue to benefit from the mindfulness practices.
So if you're interested in learning more about that, I will link to the program wait list in the show notes. You guys, thank you so much for spending this time here with me today. It really means so much to me, but also I see you and your interest in and intention to finding more spaciousness and ease in your life with PMDD. And I am here to support you in that.
All right, I'll catch you in the next one. Bye bye.
OUTRO (00:16:46)
Thank you so much for listening. If you liked the show, please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. For links to everything mentioned in this episode, you can check out the show notes and you can find me, Diane DeJesus, on Instagram @mindfulnessforpmdd. Now I invite you to pause, take a breath and look around.
