The Mindful Chronic Illness Entrepreneur with Nikita Williams
Join me for an insightful conversation with award-winning business and mindset coach Nikita Williams, who has mastered the art of integrating mindfulness into her coaching practice, despite battling a chronic illness. Discover how Nikita has empowered her clients to gain clarity and alignment with their goals, and how a mindful approach to chronic illness can be an unexpected leverage to reach our objectives.
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What if living with a chronic illness was not an obstacle, but a catalyst for your entrepreneurial success? Join me for an insightful conversation with award-winning business and mindset coach Nikita Williams, who has mastered the art of integrating mindfulness into her coaching practice, despite battling a chronic illness. Nikita's journey is a testament to the power of resilience and the importance of pacing oneself, tapping into personal needs, and overcoming self-doubt and confidence issues.
This episode explores the journey of entrepreneurship through the lens of chronic illness, and how mindfulness and intentional choices can maintain the flow of our nervous system. Nikita shares her strategies for intentional decision-making, alignment with goals, and the art of slowing down. Discover how Nikita has empowered her clients to gain clarity and alignment with their goals, and how a mindful approach to chronic illness can be an unexpected leverage to reach our objectives.
We also delve into the power of acceptance and self-compassion when dealing with chronic illness. Nikita opens up about her self-care practices, like tapping, essential oils, and breath work, and how they have helped her manage her chronic illness. Learn how to shift your perspective towards acceptance, foster self-compassion, and honor your needs, all while managing a successful entrepreneurial journey. Tune in and get inspired to strike a balance between health and entrepreneurship, no matter what challenges life throws at you. -
Title: The Mindful Chronic Illness Entrepreneur with Nikita Williams
Episode number: 4
Date: September 29, 2023
Speakers:Diane (host)
Nikita Williams (guest)
EXCERPT (00:00)
Nikita:
Probably the one of the biggest things you all tell me is like, Nikita, how in the world have I slowed down and I have accomplished so much? And I'm like, It's just the intention. It's the mindful intention that changes that.
INTRO (00:13)
If you want to learn how you can live better with PMDD, this podcast was created for you. This is mindfulness for PMDD with Diane. I'm Diane and I'm a registered dietitian and lactation consultant. I'm also a mom, a PMDD warrior. and a trauma-informed mindfulness teacher. And this is where I discuss topics related to PMDD through the lens of mindfulness and meditation and where I share all about how mindfulness has gotten me to a place of greater peace and acceptance with my PMDD.
I also chat with people who have helped and inspired me along the way so they can share their wisdom with you too. So let's get started.
SAFETY NOTE / DISCLAIMER (01:05)
This podcast is not a substitute for psychological therapy or medical advice. Please take care when listening to this podcast, as some may find certain words or subjects triggering or difficult to hear. Take only what serves you and leave the rest behind.
BUSINESS & MINDSET COACH NIKITA WILLIAMS (01:23)
Hi friends. This episode is really special to me. Not only because it's my first interview episode, but also because my guest is the very person who has been coaching me through developing this podcast and my forthcoming mindfulness program. Nikita Williams is an award winning business and mindset coach, certified professional essential oils specialist, speaker, and host of the top ranking global podcast, Crafted to Thrive.
She's been featured on Rising Tide, The Jasmine Starshow, and The Simplifiers Podcast. She was diagnosed with endometriosis in 2009 and fibromyalgia in 2010. These diagnoses inspired her to use her previous entrepreneur, community, and corporate experience to jumpstart her career as a business coach.
She aims to help all creative women, especially those with chronic illnesses, share their stories and empower them to use their stories as fuel so they can be successful, create the life they deserve, and most importantly, thrive. I came across Nikita's work while searching for resources on starting a business while living with a chronic condition. And I've been working with her for just under a year now.
The biggest surprise I've encountered in working with Nikita is the amount of mindset work that isn't directly about starting a business, but instead is about how I want to live my life and approach my PMDD. Our work together has become an extension of my mindfulness practice, which was completely unexpected.
In this chat, Nikita and I discussed common challenges among chronic illness entrepreneurs and how she came to make mindset work and mindfulness an integral part of her coaching practice. We also talk about how you can start a business while throwing out all the rules and timelines, going at your own pace.
Tuning into your needs and honoring them. And we cover self doubt and confidence challenges and a lot more. So here is my conversation with business and mindset coach, Nikita Williams.
WELCOME NIKITA (03:49)
Diane: Hello, Nikita. Welcome to the podcast. I'm so excited to have you here.
Nikita: I am too, Diane. I'm so excited. I was just sharing on Instagram how this is a very full circle moment.
Diane: Yes, I think it's so perfect to have you here as my first guest, just because we've been working together for the past year and you've held my hand throughout this process of getting here, but also, I feel like what we're going to talk about today is such a meaty topic and such a common issue, right? Work and entrepreneurship as someone with a Chronic illness.
Nikita: Yes. Well, I will first say, I feel like, yes, I might have been walking along with you, but girl, you've been running like, so you're doing great.
I am just excited that we're here and we are going to talk about this because it is a big, I think it's a big topic we don't get to hear much about. So yay.
Diane: Yes. And thank you so much for saying that. So, we know each other for, I don't know, maybe almost the past year but for the listener could you tell us a little bit about yourself and what it is you do and how you got there?
Nikita: Yeah, I was thinking about this when I was going over the introduction. I'm like, this is, it feels like it needs to be a little different. And it's like, one of the things is that I am a mindset and business coach. I have been that for, I want to say five, eight, well, it's been more like eight years at this point. And Diane, I think came into my world when I was having a Facebook group or something at some point. I was doing some challenges in there; I think that's how you found me.
Yeah, and I started putting my stake in the ground of wanting to help folks who are living with chronic illness, who have a business or want to start a business find a more flexible, free way of doing it that doesn't make living with chronic illness harder, right? That it helps you to actually grow without sacrificing the things that matter to you now, because everything I feel like in the business world is very much anti chronic illness friendly. And I really believe as chronic illness warriors, we have to live very intentional–to our point about being mindful–when we're doing the work that we do, because it has such an effect on our actual nervous system, on our bodies, on the way that we live.
And we don't have the luxury and I don't think anyone really has a luxury of doing it the other way around which is like, just putting your feelings in your body to the side like a silo. We don't have that luxury really because if you think that's a luxury it catches up to you and you realize oh snap that wasn't a luxury that was a hindrance of me.
Now I have to stop and start literally stop and start all over and so that was my goal, was to kind of be the person to talk about entrepreneurship in this space of ‘How do you do it when real life things are happening?’ And not feel like you're treading water all of the time.
SUPPORT FOR CHRONIC ILLNESS ENTREPRENEURS (07:16)
Diane: Yes. And it's so needed. You're right. It's just not discussed enough, one. Two, there aren't enough resources. So for me, my goodness, I was just so thrilled to find you when I, you know, was thinking that maybe the next kind of path for me was to kind of start or build on my own business. But I knew I was going to need support trying to do it through the sort of rollercoaster of PMDD and when I went out there looking for help, looking for resources, there just really wasn't much out there. So I'm so, so glad that you're out there doing what you're doing.
And I feel like, you know, one of the things I've been reflecting on recently is that a lot of the reasons that I did go looking for you, for support, are probably really common among people living not just with PMDD but with chronic illness in general. Right? One, I found that, you know, kind of working in a space where you're working for someone else or working for another organization and you're kind of within this framework of another person's timeline, another person's vision, what have you, that can be really, really hard: one, to make fit or work with, you know, whatever it is that you're dealing with–PMDD or some other chronic illness–but also it can make it hard to take care of yourself the way you need to, or want to. Right? And then in addition I just felt like I wanted to be able to take care of myself, feel this sense of achievement or productivity and still be able to contribute to my household all at once, but without losing that sight of taking care of myself.
And so I feel like that must be really common. And so I'm curious, with you, if that's something that you've found. If you tend to see common themes amongst your clients and the reasons they're coming to you.
BUILDING A BUSINESS THAT SUPPORTS THE LIFE YOU WANT (10:00)
Nikita: Yeah. Yeah. It's a good point, Diane, because that's the reason why I started my business, right? I wanted to give myself the flexibility and freedom of operating in my own energy, you know, bank of what I had or what I didn't have. And living with multiple chronic illnesses myself meant that I needed to give myself that flexibility. But what I found, to your point, my clients, like, I say this all the time, half of my clients right now, are people who live with chronic illness and the other half aren't because of that same commonality of the fact that–and I really hope that a lot more people are coming to this realization–that the siloing of our bodies and what we experience from what and how we take care of our life doesn't work anymore.
It never actually works because this is why we have an increase of chronic illness, why we have an increase of mental health issues. This is literally the reason why. But this idea of holistically building a business that supports the life you want now, and as you grow, is a very different, you know, strategy, quote unquote, than what we are told, even in the corporate world of how to live our life and take care of it.
So to your point, absolutely. That is the common denominator. Many of you want that experience where it's like, I want to be able to have the freedom and the choice–and to me freedom is choice–to do what is best for me without also meaning that I can't do something else that is also good for me, right?
So taking care of your financial experience, like, contributing to your household is also important for a need, right? But that shouldn't be at the expense of you feeling good, right? And I think that's the paradigm that a lot of my clients come find me at, is this place of ‘how do I do this’? Because there isn't, like you said, there isn't enough resources out there that says that this is okay and it's profitable in both ways, right?
Diane:
Yes. And that it's possible. And I love that you mentioned that half or almost half of your clients are not necessarily people living with chronic illness but just people looking to find more of that balance in life or be able to honor, you know, multiple values in their life. And not kind of put themselves aside at the expense of whatever it is, whatever their perhaps professional goals are, whatever, you know, whatever it is they need to do for their home and their family, let's say. Because you're right, I think we all are suffering the consequences of that. What I love about that too, is that it kind of, it's a reminder that we're not alone. Right? PMDD or not, chronic illness or not, a lot of us are dealing with these same challenges.
Nikita:
And we're thinking that this is, and I specifically use the word, luxury because we feel like this experience of having both is like, this is for the richer people. This is for the people who have all of the things. And to me, it's a fundamental right that we all have in order to not just survive to the extent that we're willing to hustle, but that we thrive at the willingness of, at the ability to provide and still sustain what is good for us. So I think it's to your point, to me, this is a very mindful, intentional way of thinking about how you make choices in your personal life and in your monetary life that affects your personal life, right?
It's, it's not either or, it's this and. It's always, you know, that's something I coached with you guys. It's not like this or, it's this and. What can it look like?
MINDSET WORK IN BUSINESS COACHING (14:21)
Diane: Yes. And going into our coaching relationship. I didn't realize how much mindset work there was or how much I was going to be getting into sort of my values and my needs and all of that, but eventually I came: One, to see it more and more in our work together. Two, to really enjoy it. And three, to notice that it slowly became sort of this extension of my own mindfulness practice, you know? Sort of like everything we've said so far, you kind of, you can't silo your life. It all comes together. So for you, how did that come to be that you do this mindset work with their clients? How did you find that to be, you know, something that was such an integral part of the coaching work that you do?
Nikita: I like this question because I feel like to me, a really good coach is a coach who has done the work themselves and continues to do the work themselves. Right? And so for me, I 100% give the majority of my coaching to the fact that I, I did the hard work of–and I'm not talking about the certifications of becoming a coach and stuff like that, I'm talking about–sitting down, crying and journaling my thoughts out and tapping. And if you don't know what tapping is, it's like acupuncture with your fingers; It helps, you know, clear and release energy. All of this stuff that I didn't even know existed. To do all of that work to see how the clarity came and how the piece came and how the alignment came was through mindset work.
I mean, there's strategy for business, like there's strategy to how you want to design your life, but without the mindset piece, the mindfulness of it, the intentionality of it, it's just like this empty house that has no, that has nothing in it. Right? And for me, since it made such a–and it still does, like this is a daily practice, I have a morning routine, I have an evening after routine of mindful, very specific ways of being able to be more clear and also helps my nervous system stay in that space of flowing in and out of where it's supposed to be, right? We hear a lot about the nervous system and how it's supposed to work but it's not just supposed to work one way or the other. It literally is supposed to flow in and out. And mindfulness comes from an ability to tap into that flow. Right?
And for me, as a business coach for other, I specifically work with people who are, who identify as, women, that is the space that we have to clear in order to be clear, right? We have to be intentional in order to know what we want.
If you want to grow a business, okay, great. But why do you want to do it? If you are going to make quote unquote sacrifices, are they in alignment with where you want to go? Is it serving you now, not just in the future? So all of these thoughts, and things like that, are things that I have to question myself, I constantly work on and it's literally how I've made the progress and success in my business.
And I've seen how it affects you, my other clients. Just seeing that integration. Right? It's really that integration, that inner alignment of: What are you thinking? What do you want? What space do you need? Right? What space do you need to create this reality that is very possible?
You have to do it with mindful thoughts and intention and mindset work. So that is how it became a crucial part of how I work with my clients. It's usually, the first couple of weeks, that's what we're talking about is like, okay, yeah, you want to do this, but it's not that you don't know how to do this. It's not that you can't Google this. It's not that, you know, it's there's something here in your brain and in your body and your nervous system that is limiting you and stopping you from moving forward. And that has to come into alignment.
Diane: Yes, that's been my story 100%, you know that. It's like yeah, you kind of, there's all these blocks, which I've learned that, yes, some of it is just the real symptoms of PMDD but so much of it is just these sort of mindset or psychological blocks that have been there my entire life, and perhaps they get exacerbated during PMDD, but they're there all the time anyway. And it's the kind of thing that when that noise is just going around and around in your head, it, and then of course, just the pressures of daily life, right? And the conditioning from society, from our culture, all of that's going around in your head and you're trying to just get through your day and, you know, deal with your rollercoaster of PMDD and it can be really hard to find kind of that, that space, that stillness or that moment to kind of sit with all of it for a second and check in with yourself about how you're feeling about how things are or aren't working for you in order to make those decisions about how to move forward. Right? So it seems so obvious now after, you know, our work together but going in, it wasn't something that I had expected for sure.
HOW CHRONIC ILLNESS PROVIDES BUSINESS CLARITY (20:37)
Nikita: And most of y'all don't like, it's so funny. I mean, I get it because I mean, if, I mean obviously there are coaches, there are people who are like, I only do mindset work, but I had an affinity for entrepreneurs specifically because I really do believe there's this parallel experience of being an entrepreneur and a chronic illness warrior in so many different ways, right? And they actually, to me, having chronic illness, having PMDD, having endometriosis, whatever it is that you're dealing with, provides a layer of actual clarity for your business if you are mindful about it, right? If you are able to be connected to it that well, like if you're able to be besties, and I know this sounds crazy, but to be kind of besties with your chronic illness, you can start seeing it as what it is versus it meaning something about you or meaning what you can't do.
It becomes this tool that you use as leverage in the places you want to go. And that's been my journey, right? It's just been something like, oh snap, me slowing down and not doing the rat race is actually better. I can do less and make more. What? That's a thing? Nobody talks about that. You know, everything is more and more and more, but slowing down means I accomplish more.
Probably the one of the biggest things you all, all tell me is like, Nikita, how in the world have I slowed down and I have accomplished so much? And I'm like, It's just the intention. It's the mindful intention that changes that.
Diane: Yes. That is so huge. Yeah, that's wild. And you know, you said like being besties with your, I don’t know what you said, your chronic illness, and I know that, like, when people are really in survival mode, that can be really hard to hear but I so feel you because it's like, oh, I just heard someone say the other day, which is a similar, it's along the same lines, but like only once you get to a place of acceptance can you sort of find the workarounds, which is a similar idea. It's like, first we have to kind of sit with it, get real with ourselves and just kind of embrace whatever it is that we're living with before we can figure out how to use that as the tool as the, sort of, guide rails for how to move forward living and working in a way that feels better for us and works better for us.
HOW WE GROW FROM ACCEPTANCE (23:26)
Nikita: And you experienced that Diane, I don't know if we're going to talk about that, but we had one of those moments where it was like, I was like, all right, girl, we got to talk about some acceptance before we move on. Right now we're in stuck mode because we haven't gotten to this place and it's okay. Like there's no shame. There's no guilt around being in a place that you're not ready. And I truly 100% believe that you will get to that place of acceptance. And you will continue to go back and forth with accepting and not accepting.
That's okay. But once you kind of acknowledge that that is normal, the easier it is on your nervous system, the easier it is on the days where things are just crappy, you don't feel like they're there forever. That's what acceptance gives you: the peace from being like, yeah, this is happening right now and I feel like crap and my thoughts think I'm all these horrible monster people. That's okay today because tomorrow I might feel better and I know that the better is coming but if you're in constant fear/flight of this moment, it's really hard to see anything else.
Diane: Yes. And thank you for saying that, by the way, that you may or you will probably go back and forth with acceptance. Oh my God, I love that.
Nikita: We're human! We're human. We're human. We're human. We're human. That's all I can say. We are human beings. So sometimes those tools that we have go out the window. And that's okay.
Diane: For sure. And that's okay. That's just what's happening right now, in the moment, and that's okay. Very related to this I think, you know, I used to go through this thing where each time I went through a luteal phase and I did do what I needed to do–which was perhaps slow down or, you know, put things on hold–even if in the moment I felt okay with it, I think at some point I confronted this feeling of like, Oh, but now I've lost my momentum or now I'm starting to question all the work I did before this particular luteal phase. Right? Or now it just feels like I need to start over. And this was just a lot of, like, negative self talk over and over again. Can you talk about how you can tap into more self-compassion or this idea of tuning in to your own needs and then honoring whatever that is and being okay with that, whatever that, whatever it means, whatever it is that you need to do.
KEY QUESTION TO ASK YOURSELF (26:18)
Nikita: Yeah. To me, it's the question: How does this make sense? Why does it make sense that I feel like this right now? I think a lot of times, and this is something I think I've talked about even in my own podcast of the, the feeling of beating ourselves up for something that's 100 percent normal, right?
So a lot of these things that we experience or we're thinking, you know, based on what we've talked about during those phases, that those negative thoughts, those are, they were there already, right? A lot of those thoughts were there already. They're intensified because of this hormonal shift in our body.
So they're like gone to a whole ‘nother like [Jekyll and Hyde] level of something, right? In those moments, how do you look at that and say This makes sense? Versus thinking... Why am I going through this? Why is this happening? What did I do to do this? What, what didn't I do? All these things of the didn'ts and couldn'ts and shouldn'ts.
But if we lean into it, of like, this makes sense because… And I always like to tell you all just to ask yourself the question and answer it, right? Answer it. How does this make sense that I feel this way? Well, one, your brain, because we're in our [luteal] phase, it doesn't make sense. Also because this is what my brain does during these times of newness, especially in business, when you're starting something new, you've never done it before, it makes sense that your brain is going to wild out. Like, this is crazy. Nobody's going to do this. What did you do? And let's be real starting a business online, especially as entrepreneurs. It is kind of crazy. Like random strangers are going to pay you money for something like what? It's kind of crazy. Right? So, where does this make sense? And I think that gives you the opportunity to see the making sense in that self compassion versus sitting in I'm not enoughness. This isn't enough.
It makes sense that I feel like that it's not enough because of ___ , right? And it's a thought to practice even when you're not in those really hard places, like in other areas. If you do it before you're in the worst time of your cycle, and just when you catch yourself being more negative about something or second guessing yourself: Where does it make sense? Why does this make sense?
Diane: I love that. That's such a good tip. Just ask yourself that question. Why does this make sense? The simplest definition of mindfulness is just bringing your attention to your present moment experience and accepting what you find with kindness and without judgment. So what you're describing is almost like, all right, what I'm experiencing right now are these negative feelings but I'm just going to kind of acknowledge them, take them for what they are, and kind of say, it's totally normal and totally okay that they're there. And on top of that, here's why that's okay. Here's why I'm going to be, you know, kind to myself anyway, and not kind of trash talk myself.
Nikita: Yeah, exactly. It feels better.
Diane: Yeah, of course. And I love that you can kind of tap into that with that question. Why is this normal that I'm feeling this way?
Nikita: I just think about the times in my own journey where I feel like I was in a flare up longer than I probably needed to be because I was thinking of where I used to be, right? I was thinking about how I used to be able to do something. I was thinking what I should be doing and what I could be doing if I wasn't in this situation. I was thinking, I was not anywhere being present within this moment, in this time.
I was so busy in the past and in the future to even connect to the reason why, well, this isn't the past and this isn't the future, this is the now. It had to come from this new identity of like. right now is okay and I love myself regardless. And honestly, that work for me from a mindset point of view and mindfulness came from really doing that work with tapping and essential oils and things like breath work and all those different kinds of things, which led me to now being more okay in those times where I'm saying this makes sense that this is what what's happening.
Versus spending so much time in the past and in the future because it just exhausts you. It makes it worse. So much worse.
AROMATHERAPY AS A GATEWAY TO MINDFULNESS (31:25)
Diane: Yes. Yes. Oh my God. You're saying so many good, meaty, juicy things right now that I want to get into. But firstly, thank you for bringing up, sort of, identity and comparing yourself to you know, your before, whatever your before self was whatever previous version of yourself you're comparing yourself to cause I feel like that's something I've dealt with a lot. I feel like that's probably a very common challenge in chronic illness life. You also mentioned some of your personal practices.
You mentioned tapping a couple times and you mentioned the oils. And you introduced me a little bit to both of those. I like to talk a lot about like, you know, how there's all these different ways to access mindfulness, not just through meditation, there's lots of like, ins, right?
Can you talk to me a little bit about what you like about tapping and oils and things like that?
Nikita: Yeah. I feel like I'll start with oils because that was like my gateway into, like, mindful body, intention, all that kind of stuff was like my gateway into, Oh my gosh, there's a whole world of like awesome stuff. Essential oils really, it started from a practical, literal sense of helping me deal with pain without side effects. And through that work, because at the time when I started to use them, I was working with a health coach and we weren't just like rubbing stuff on things that hurt, right?
Like, we were like, take a moment and breathe and just sit like, and these things that you're thinking, like, at the time–I joke, she's a really good friend–I'm like, lady, come on, I just need to put this stuff on and not be in pain right now. That's all I care about. But over the course of six months or so, like the slowing down of just being like, just breathe, instead of disassociating from the pain.
So I find that essential oils helped me to reintegrate with my body–even though I'm a very sensitive person, I very much felt it–but in a more like full body way, I can't really explain it other than like, instead of being like this pain is causing me, and then having all these thoughts that are negative, it went into what are, what is my body telling me versus what is my body doing to me? Right?
And so with essential oils, it helped me start to unearth way deeper stuff that I had no clue was there from things when I was a younger person and trauma. And it was like, to the question that I said earlier, it all came to this self compassion piece of why it makes sense that this is going on, right? And so essential oils became very, it still is, the thing that I use, you know, do my breath work with it. It's great for calming the central nervous system and, you know, just bringing you literally down. If you need to bring you up, it can do that. Literally this is, you know, how aromatherapy works.
And so from aromatherapy to breath work and not too much breath work, but just very much more like intentional breathing, being more connected to breath became a practice that became hugely important to me, especially during my recovery from my hysterectomy that I had for my endometriosis. Which by the way is not a cure. I always like to tell people it's more of a lifestyle change, like a life…How do you say this? I keep forgetting how to say this, but it's more like I chose to have a hysterectomy because it gave me a better life outside of some of the challenges that I was going through.
So it helped with it. But after… I am an extrovert. Diane knows this. I am an extrovert. I love people. But for three months, I kind of was at home big time and I was in a lot of pain. I had some complications after and essential oils is the thing that got me to feel comfortable around people again. I had huge anxiety, huge, huge anxiety.
EFT TAPPING AND JOURNALING FOR ENERGY RELEASE (35:55)
Like I did not want to go into a building. I would have panic attacks. It was horrible. And I started using breath work and then my coach encouraged me to look into EFT. She's an EFT coach. And that's when I started using tapping, which was to release the stuck energy and this fear and understand where this fear is coming from 'cause all of this was new to me and that really like broke my brain, that I could tap on some points and feel like such release that I had never, ever experienced.
So, those three things, including journaling because I've always been a journaler, like I've always wrote in journals, but I never was as intentional as I am now with journaling.
And tapping helped me get more intentional with journaling. It helped me to ask the right questions. It helped me to explore thoughts that came up that may not have surfaced if I were just writing to write.
Diane: Can I ask you a question about that? Is that because during the tapping you're sort of, I don't know if I want to call it mantras, but you're sort of talking to yourself. Is that right? Is that why?
Nikita: So I believe the way I feel that tapping helps for me, specifically in journaling, is that there's a compassion of the reality of exactly how you feel: I'm horrible. This is crazy. People are chasing me. Whatever kind of feelings you have, negative, good, that they're forefront in your brain, right? They're right here. But subconsciously there's something deeper. And when you're tapping, because you're shedding all of this surface stuff and getting to the nitty gritty, thoughts come up, beliefs come up. Situations that you probably have blocked in your brain for a very long time when your body is ready and feels safe enough to release them, they come up and it comes up in a non triggering way.
It comes up in a way that feels safe and it is safe. So when you get ready to journal around some of these thoughts and things, you're not like re-harming, you're not putting yourself in like that stress space, you're actually able to process and release. And so that's what to me, after you tap through–you're not necessarily always doing affirmations, sometimes it's straight, you're letting stuff go and flow–and then things will come up in that tapping that you just didn't even know. And that is how it's helped.
Diane: Oh, that's super interesting. I feel like I have a lot to learn about tapping. That might have to be a future episode.
Nikita: Yes. Tapping isn't your favorite, but that's okay. There's so many other tools out there. It's just like one of the things, like, it just happens to be one of my favorites.
Diane: I would prefer to say, I'm just like, a slow bloomer, which I am in everything in life. I kind of just move slowly and timidly towards things, even when they may be good for me. And I feel like I'm still at like an introductory, kind of like a little bit have my guard up with tapping, but I have had good experiences with it.
SLOW THE BREATH WITH ESSENTIAL OILS (39:22)
I wanted to say about the essential oils because you made me a couple little, I don't even know what you call it, there was a roll on and you made me some blends. And what I love is not just, you know, the sense and the fact that certain oils have different properties. Beyond that, what I love is that, just the use of it, there's this very physical thing that happens. Yes. You're now being intentional. Yeah. You're gonna take a breath. You're slowing down. Yeah. Maybe you really like the scent, so you're like lingering, you're enjoying it, right? So what I notice is, suddenly I've slowed my breathing. Suddenly maybe my heart rate starts to come down a bit. You know, my nervous system is feeling more regulated. And it just, this is so cool. It kind of reminds me of you know, I also like kind of what I feel like happens in my body when I take a warm drink, right? Because you put it to your face. And you're, you're smelling it.
Nikita: Yeah. You're involving all of your senses. That's my favorite part. Yeah. It's true. And I think that's the reason why they're so effective. When you use them like that. When you use them, more than like, Oh, it's in my candle or in my bath scrub bubble thing. When it becomes like an actual tool for a moment to slow down and to really enjoy something or to just be.
I have found myself extremely hyperly, like the environment is super, you know, what's the word? I'm very stimulated, overstimulated. And I pull out an oil or especially like if I'm going to the gynecologist, Lord help me. I will have my oils and I'll be in like heaven because I'm like breathing and very connected to myself versus to what might or could be happening. It's very, it's very grounding.
HOW TO OVERCOME CONFIDENCE CHALLENGES (41:42)
Diane: Ooh, I love that. So I wanted to ask you because I have dealt with, and still deal with, plenty of confidence issues, as you know. And not only that, which is just, you know, stuff that's been there forever my whole life. But in the luteal phase it's very common to have symptoms of like self-doubt and low self-esteem.
And just kind of thinking very negatively about yourself and kind of having all that negative self talk. And you and I have done a bunch of confidence work together. And so I was just wondering if you. Can talk a little bit about how you help clients work through confidence challenges?
Nikita: Yeah, this is a really good question. Confidence is like a fingerprint. It's very different for everyone. And I say it like that because–I probably,somebody's going to come after me for this. I'm just like, what I’m about to say, somebody be like, that's not true! I have found that confidence, depending on what you're going through in your life and what's going on with your chronic illness, what's going on in the environment can be swayed, shifted, moved, very differently for every single person.
The confidence work that I do with you is going to look different than what I do with another client because they're so different. And so when I use, even if I use similar tools, the way I use them looks different because your experiences are different. The reason why you're feeling not confident or self doubt has more to do with fear. It has more to do with safety. Those are the two biggest things. I feel like it's fear and safety, oftentimes, especially for women. And where that comes from comes from very different places. It could come from family. It could come from your environment at work. It can come from traumatic experiences that you've experienced.
And so confidence to me, the way you overcome confidence, whether it's being triggered that you aren't feeling confident because of the [luteal] phase, or whatever phase you're currently in is, unique. And so one of the things that I find that's most helpful is looking for evidence. It's always looking for evidence to prove that you are confident.
What actions have you taken? Because confidence comes from competency, like being competent and doing. And so when we can look back to see what have I done, what am I doing in spite of, right, it helps a bit more to ground you to see that you can be safe. You can do things even though you're scared. And I think confidence work is a little bit different for everyone. I hope that answers your question.
Diane: Well, I like what you just said about how confidence comes from doing because I think what you're saying is when we can look back and acknowledge the things we have done, or the things we have gone through and come out the other side, when we can look back at that and acknowledge the things we've been able to do, that gives us that feeling of confidence. I love that so much, particularly because, as you know, I do often get myself in a stuck place out of fear and self doubt. And you're so right: when I can just look back at things I feel good about in my life, about myself, and I can see that I'm still that person, I still bring that with me and bring that forward into my life, that does help me feel more confident.
Nikita: There's something that we've done and I've done with all of my, most of my, clients. I do something and it's called a confidence card. I actually learned it from another coach. Her name is, Kristen Hassler, and I use something called a confidence card and I help my clients create it.
So it looks different for everyone. So, it could be based on all of the things you've ever done in your business or all of the things you've ever done in your life as a human being that you've done even when things are hard. I give different ways of helping people create this confidence card through different lenses, is really what I would say. It's like different perspectives. Especially if a client is struggling with seeing their worth, saying how much they charge for something, how much they want to price something. And so the confidence card is one of the ways to just kind of look at everything on a piece of paper, on one sheet ,to see all that you have done. The part of confidence is like realizing that you've actually done some amazing things and you have discounted so many of them, right?
And when we're in these phases of things, we sometimes forget that. Our brain automatically finds all of the evidence that we're not this, we're not that. It's easier.
Diane: Yes. Yes. I think for me, I've experienced the confidence card as a sort of exercise in self compassion. And sort of like that thing of, you know, talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend.
When you're able to acknowledge the things that you have done, or that do make you feel good about yourself, it helps to change the way you talk to yourself and to be more kind to yourself, more gentle, and to have more compassion with yourself and be able to say like, okay, well, maybe I'm having a challenge now, but I still have value, I'm still me and I'm just going to kind of like move forward in the way that best serves me now.
Nikita: Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly it. And everyone is going to do that differently in the journey. They're going to figure that out differently. So that's what's most important.
Diane: So Nikita, I am mindful of the time, but I am so, so, so thankful to you for being here and I want to give you a chance to just, if there's anything in particular you want to share with the listeners about your work or about anything that you're working on or just that you really want people to know about you.
PERMISSION TO DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY (49:10)
Nikita: Yeah. I think the biggest thing is that it is possible. I always like to tell people just because it's harder doesn't mean it's impossible. Just because other people seem to be doing it in such a whatever way that they're doing it, and you're like, I could never be her, right? I could never be them. You were never meant to be them. You were never meant to be her, right? Like you were never meant to be that. So like really lean into embracing how, if it were to work, how could it, right? And that's something that it takes a lot of work. Also, it takes some bouncing off of the walls with people to be like, well, how could it look?
And that's very helpful, but don't be afraid to accept that it's going to look differently and it's okay. And it's okay. And I think that's the biggest thing I want my clients and anybody living with any kind of chronic illness to know is that it doesn't have to be limited. It could be so bountifully abundant in the way that works for you.
Diane: Yes. Don't be afraid to accept that it's going to look differently and that may actually, maybe even likely, can open up the possibilities.
Nikita: Exactly. And actually, it always does. That's the secret, but the not-so-secret. Like, the moment you give in to like, it's going to look different and it's okay, is the moment you realize there is a treasure trove of, like, awesome stuff that you never would have uncovered had you not given yourself the permission to do it that way.
Diane: Oh my God. And that's not even just for entrepreneurship. That's like for life. Words of wisdom for life. Thank you so much. I feel like we're having, Oh my God, there's no more perfect thing to end on, I think. So, for anyone who is listening, who maybe wants to connect with you to learn more and maybe work with you, can you let everyone know where they can find you and how to connect with you? Yeah, they can find me at Thrive with Nikita or check out my podcast.
It's called Crafted to Thrive and Diane will be on there soon so, you'll be able to check out one of her episodes and yeah, I love working with people one to one. Hopefully in the new year, 2024, I'll be having a little group program but that's where you can find me. Pretty simple.
Diane: And I love your podcast so much. I listen to it all the time. I love to take walks down on this bike path near me and listen to your podcast. Yes. I love it so much. I will also include your links in the show notes as well. Thank you so much, Nikita.
Nikita: Thank you for having me.
Diane: Thanks so much. Okay. Bye bye.
Nikita: Bye.
OUTRO (52:27)
Thank you so much for listening. If you liked the show, please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. For links to everything mentioned in this episode, you can check out the show notes and you can find me, Diane de Jesus on Instagram @mindfulnessforpmdd. Now I invite you to pause, take a breath and look around.
