Turn That Nasty Self-Talk Around
You are so much more than your symptoms, thoughts and feelings!
Fusing our identity to our PMDD experience might sound like this:
“I'm depressed…I’m anxious…I’m a terrible parent…I’m a terrible partner…I’m incompetent…I have PMDD.”
In this episode, you'll hear how we are limiting ourselves with this negative self-talk and by identifying with our PMDD.
And I'll share with you some exercises to mindfully turn that around!
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Hey friend,
If you've been feeling consumed by your PMDD, I'm here to tell you that
YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN YOUR SYMPTOMS, thoughts and feelings!
I've been there, where PMDD felt like my whole identity. But I want to encourage you to consider that you are more significant than just your PMDD experience.
While it can be easy to feel engulfed by your symptoms, PMDD DOES NOT DEFINE YOU.
Fusing our identity to our PMDD experience might sound like this:
'I'm depressed. I'm anxious. I'm a terrible parent. I'm a terrible partner. I'm incompetent. I have PMDD.'
In this episode, you'll hear how we are limiting ourselves with this negative self-talk and by identifying with our PMDD. And I'll share with you some exercises to mindfully turn that around!
I also reflect on the practical side of mindfulness and its profound impact on living with PMDD. You might be relieved to hear that mindfulness can be as functional as learning to work within our capacity and our priorities, and making meaningful changes to our daily routines as a result.
Remember, Mindfulness for PMDD isn't an instant fix; it's a practice, and a step-by-step journey to retrain your mind. Stick with it and you just might discover a renewed perspective on your true self. I believe in you!
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Title: Turn that nasty self-talk around!
Episode number: 6
Air date: October 13, 2023
URL: https://mindfulnessforpmdd.buzzsprout.com/2253562/episodes/13750908-turn-that-nasty-self-talk-around
Solo episode: Diane is the only speaker
EXCERPT (00:00)
If you're rolling your eyeballs around in your head right now, I get it. Because when you're in it, you are in it. And it is really hard to see otherwise. But we can train our brain. And we can start small and really simply and do really tiny little things here and there to start to show our brains that we are safe.
INTRO (00:30)
Hey friends, you're listening to mindfulness for PMDD with Diane. I'm Diane and I'm a registered dietitian and lactation consultant. I'm also a mom, a PMDD warrior and a trauma informed mindfulness teacher. And this is where I discuss topics related to PMDD through the lens of mindfulness and meditation and where I share all about how mindfulness has gotten me to a place of greater peace and acceptance with my PMDD. I also chat with people who have helped and inspired me along the way so they can share their wisdom with you too. So if you want to learn how to live better with PMDD, this podcast was created for you. So let's get into it.
SAFETY NOTE / DISCLAIMER (01:25)
This podcast is not a substitute for psychological therapy or medical advice. Please take care when listening to this podcast, as some may find certain words or subjects triggering or difficult to hear. Take only what serves you and leave the rest behind.
MAKE PROGRESS THROUGH HONESTY AND ACCEPTANCE (01:42)
Hey friends. So today I'm day 19 and I'm like seven days out from getting my period and I am feeling surprisingly really good and I actually felt pretty good like the last couple days as well. Just, you know, less symptomatic these last few days than I would have expected. And I've been reflecting on why I think that is.
And I want to share with you what I've been thinking about that. Because ultimately what I've been reflecting on is this idea that sometimes mindfulness can look or, you know, ultimately manifest itself in these really like practical ways that you might not think of as mindfulness or might not realize could be, could be seen as mindfulness.
Which, you know, that whole idea is really kind of the inspiration for me of this podcast. But to be more specific I basically recently have been leaning into this idea of not expecting myself to be able to do all the things all the time, and certainly not all the things at the same time. And also leaning into this idea of like, if there's help accessible to me, available to me, can I let myself take that on and bring that help into my life?
And so basically, recently, as the school year came back around, I... Made some changes to how the housework is going to get done and what my son's going to do after school. So these sound like really practical changes, practical decisions. But what I've been thinking about the last few days is that actually, you know, in a way, these decisions, these changes are an extension of my mindfulness practice.
Because I at some point found myself acknowledging and identifying that well, acknowledging that, you know, I was feeling like these feelings of struggling or feeling like I was having a challenge and accepting, allowing myself to just kind of accept that feeling for what it was, identify that it was coming from a place of feeling like my capacity and kind of like the things on my plate, you know, there was a mismatch.
But then I was able to come at these thoughts and feelings with kindness and non-judgment by saying to myself, okay, well, I don't have to give myself a hard time about this. I don't have to feel guilty about this. I don't have to feel shame about this. I don't have to feel resentful to my PMDD about this. I don't need to give myself a hard time about this in any way, but what can I do? Can I get super honest with myself about one, my capacity and two, my priorities?
Identify what those are, let them be what they are, and then show myself kindness and non judgment by saying to myself, okay, well, how can I work with this and make this easier on myself? What do I have available to me that I can use? To just kind of lean in to the level of capacity that I do have and the priorities that I've chosen for my life at this season in my life and make changes from there.
And so, not everyone can necessarily make the same changes that I've made. And that's why I'm trying to not be too specific, but you know, my point is that we can use mindfulness and apply mindfulness in so many different areas of our lives to help us manage better and just live a better life with PMDD, a life that feels better, that feels more aligned with our true needs and desires, and just where we are at this season of life in terms of our capacity and our own need for taking care of ourselves.
So, I don't even know if that made any sense to you, I hope you're still, I hope you're still here with me but that's something I've been reflecting on based on how I'm feeling lately days 17, 18, day 19 today.
YOU ARE NOT YOUR SYMPTOMS, THOUGHTS OR FEELINGS (07:52)
Okay, so moving on, because I want to talk about this idea of you are not your symptoms or your thoughts or your feelings.
So does this sound familiar to you? I'm depressed. I'm so anxious. I can't do this. I can't live like this anymore. I have no energy. I hate this. I hate myself. I'm a terrible parent. I'm a terrible partner. I'm incompetent. I have PMDD.
Does that sound familiar? ‘Cause these are all things I've said to myself at one point or another in my time with PMDD. I've experienced pretty much every PMDD symptom there is. And for a long time, I was so enmeshed in my PMDD that it was my whole identity.
And it makes sense because for a long time, I was fully in survival mode. Saving myself from drowning was my full time job. And my life looked so different from my expectations, as a direct result of PMDD, that PMDD was all I could think of. And it felt like I was PMDD and PMDD was my life now. So I get how that feels.
But I also want to put this idea out there for you to perhaps ponder whenever you're ready for it, and that is that when we begin to identify with our illness and our symptoms, we can limit ourselves and limit the possibilities we're able to see in ourselves and in our lives.
We can also limit our ability to see the positive, so to see when we're feeling well, to see when our illness is not getting in the way of our functioning. To see all that we are capable of. And instead our brain looks for confirmation of the negative thoughts and feelings we're having, and then that's all we see, and it's a vicious cycle, right?
But no matter how poorly you are feeling and how much your debilitating symptoms are interfering with your life and your functioning. I want you to know that you are so much bigger than your symptoms. You are so much more than your symptoms. You are not your symptoms. You are not your thoughts. You are not your feelings.
Thoughts and feelings come and go as our brains try to protect us. Our brains flag our symptoms as a threat. We respond to this sense of danger with negative thoughts and feelings. Our body doesn't necessarily want us to lean into PMDD but finding a way to accept our symptoms, thoughts, and feelings, with kindness and without judgment, and then allowing them to be and to pass, opens up the potential for connecting with our true selves again. And loving and accepting ourselves again.
Now I know how this sounds or may sound for some of you. Don't get me wrong. If you're rolling your eyeballs around in your head right now, I get it. Okay. Because when you're in it, you are in it. And it is really hard to see otherwise. And even if you're feeling me and you're right there with me, you might be thinking, okay, but how the heck can I get there?
Because when I'm experiencing symptoms or negative thoughts and feelings, that can feel really out of control. It can feel like spiraling. It can feel like ruminating. And that can be a very hard thing to get out of, in order to do the mindfulness thing of accepting what we find with kindness and non judgment.
TRAIN YOUR BRAIN WITH BITE SIZED MINDFULNESS (12:56)
And you're right. Finding acceptance and kindness and non judgment doesn't just come overnight, in an instant, one and done. It is a practice. It is something we work on. But we can train our brain. The same way that we train our bodies. And we can start small and really simply and do really tiny little things here and there to start to show our brains that we are safe. That there is another way to look at things.
And that's why in this podcast and in the program I'm planning, I offer really accessible bite-sized bits of mindfulness with the aim of helping you to develop a practice that works for you and your PMDD. Because I know that this idea of mindfulness can feel really hard to reach when we are just stuck in it.
TURN THAT NASTY SELF-TALK AROUND (14:07)
So one thing I do in my own experience with PMDD and my own practice is if I hear myself saying one of those nasty things to myself, for example, I will see if I can turn that message around so that I am accepting and acknowledging that thought or feeling, but in a kinder, less judgmental way. Even if it's way later on that I'm having this acknowledgement and this realization of something I experienced earlier, I'll see if I can take a moment to stop, acknowledge that feeling and turn that thought around and literally say to myself something like:
I am experiencing feelings of depression.
I am having the thought that I'm feeling anxious.
I will get through this. This will pass.
I work within my capacity. I give my body what it needs.
This is hard and it's okay. It's real to feel.
I love myself. I am still me. I have value.
I live with PMDD.
This is what I say to myself now when the luteal phase comes around, and my PMDD symptoms flare, and I start to notice negative thoughts and feelings coming around for a visit. So, maybe see if you can try this. You don't have to dive right in and try this during the worst time in your hell week. In fact, that's probably not even a good idea.
You can try it when you're feeling a bit better, maybe in your follicular phase, and you notice a negative thought or feeling pass through but maybe something that's not so super heavy.
If you find it hard to remember that you want to try this, you know, when you're caught up in the moment of a negative thought–because that is something that would often happen to me–another thing you can do is you can make it an exercise. And when you have a moment and you want to try this, you can sit down or maybe take a walk and you can try to think of some of the more common negative thoughts or feelings that you tend to have, perhaps if you have some negative thoughts and feelings that are pretty regular visitors for you and see if you can look at that thought from a kinder, gentler, less judgmental perspective.
Or if you keep a journal, or if you just like to write through your feelings, or if you just feel kind of like you're better in writing, you're more of a print person, you can do it almost like a journaling exercise. And you can try to look back at some negative thought or feeling you've had in the past and maybe challenge yourself to see if you can bring some kindness and gentleness to that thought. And you might even like to write the new, kinder version of that thought down somewhere. I try to do this from time to time because I feel like when I write something down, it's almost like it locks it into my brain a bit better.
So, that's it for today. And for anyone who needs to hear this today, PMDD or no:, You are so much more than your symptoms. You are bigger than your thoughts. And you're bigger than your feelings.
These things do not define you. I appreciate you. Thank you so much for sharing this space with me today and I will catch you in the next one.
OUTRO (18:55)
Thank you so much for listening. If you liked the show, please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. For links to everything mentioned in this episode, you can check out the show notes and you can find me, Diane De Jesus on Instagram @mindfulnessforpmdd. Now I invite you to pause, take a breath and look around.
