How Minimalism Can Help Your PMDD Stress & Anxiety with Emily McDermott
I cannot stop seeing the commonalities between Minimalism and Mindfulness!
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In this episode, Emily and I chat about:
Minimalism and Simple Living and their relevance to living with PMDD and Chronic Illness
How my relationships with minimalism and mindfulness are connected
Unexplained fertility and in vitro fertilization
Motherhood
The science behind clutter and stress
How to simplify to decrease decision fatigue
The impact of routines and resets
Minimizing how much stuff we need to manage, clean, clean around, maintain, etc.
How you can begin your decluttering journey
How it's not just about the STUFF but also about your thoughts, time and energy
Living WITHIN your capacity
The impact of just a 1% shift
and more!
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Title: How Minimalism Can Help Your PMDD Stress & Anxiety with Emily McDermott
Episode number: 13
Date: 01/12/24
Speakers: Diane DeJesus, RD, IBCLC (host) · Emily McDermott, Moms Overcoming Overwhelm (guest)
EXCERPT (00:00:00)
Emily: What I loved doing kind of in the process of having the blog and then the podcast and the coaching is to dive into the science behind clutter and how it really affects us, not just anecdotally like, oh, my clutter's stressing me out. And there's actually a direct connection between clutter and the stress hormone cortisol. So our cortisol levels actually rise. And there are a couple of studies about this, but they took saliva samples of women giving tours of their home. If they described it as cluttered or disorganized, their cortisol levels are actually higher than women that were describing their homes as cozy or organized or whatever.
INTRO (00:00:42)
If you want to learn how you can live better with PMDD, this podcast was created for you. This is Mindfulness for PMDD with Diane. I'm Diane and I'm a registered dietitian and lactation consultant. I'm also a mom, a PMDD warrior, and a trauma-informed mindfulness teacher. And this is where I discuss topics related to PMDD through the lens of mindfulness and meditation and where I share all about how mindfulness has gotten me to a place of greater peace and acceptance with my PMDD.
I also chat with people who have helped and inspired me along the way so they can share their wisdom with you too. So let's get started.
SAFETY NOTE / DISCLAIMER (00:01:34)
This podcast is not a substitute for psychological therapy or medical advice. Please take care when listening to this podcast, as some may find certain words or subjects triggering or difficult to hear. Take only what serves you and leave the rest behind.
WHY MINIMALISM CAN FEEL LIKE MINDFULNESS FOR PMDD (00:01:51)
Diane: Around the same time I was diving into mindfulness, I also began experimenting with minimalism, and quickly I discovered a lot of similarities between the two. Mindfulness is about bringing your attention to your present moment experience and accepting what you find with kindness and without judgment. Having compassion for ourselves in our struggles, stretching without striving, not giving in and giving up, but accepting our current reality and rediscovering our values in order to move forward in a way that's more fulfilling and brings us less stress and more peace and ease.
Diane: In minimalism, we are making space by removing those things and thoughts and quote unquote obligations that give us stress. And instead we focus on bringing forward the things that are important to us and allow us to show up in our lives the way we want to live. Now, in this season of life, I cannot help but see the connections between minimalism and mindfulness. And I want to share some of that with you.
Diane: But first, I want to remind you that if you want to learn more about Live Better with Mindfulness for PMDD, the three-month program I created to help PMDDers like you and myself work through the difficult thoughts and feelings that come up when you have PMDD, I invite you to go to the link in the show notes to book a chat with me. Or if you're on Instagram, you can DM me and learn more or reach out.
Diane: So today I'm chatting with someone who knows a lot about minimalism and simple living. Emily McDermott is a wife, mother of two energetic boys, and simplicity seeker. She's also the host of the top 1% globally ranked podcast, Moms Overcoming Overwhelm, where she helps moms declutter their homes, heads, and hearts. Emily enjoys writing poetry, dancing, and eating peanut butter out of the jar.
Diane: Welcome, Emily.
Emily: Thank you so much for having me.
Diane: Yeah, thank you so much for being here.
Emily: I know. I'm so excited.
Diane: I'm so thrilled to have you. When I found your podcast, it just resonated so much with me because it reminded me a lot about my early introduction to minimalism and simple living.
Diane: So, back in, well, I guess when I became a mom in 2017, you know, it felt kind of like this perfect storm. A lot of things were happening at once. So I became a mom and simultaneously developed PTSD and then shortly thereafter developed PMDD. And then it was COVID and it was, you know, it was kind of juggling a lot of things and felt like I had a lot of stressors kind of thrown at me at once.
Diane: And I discovered mindfulness, I think for the first time on YouTube, and fortunately, the person I was following on YouTube introduced minimalism in this very kind of practical, friendly, nonjudgmental, straightforward way. And so I dove in, right? And I immediately was tackling, you know, my closet and this and that. And what I discovered was that it really did help kind of remove the external sources of anxiety.
Emily: Yeah.
Diane: It kind of helped me to focus on the really important things and not also be so stressed and distracted, I guess, with all my things and unnecessary sources of anxiety around my home.
Diane: And so, you know, I mentioned to you earlier, I was kind of, I was doing my shopping the other day and I came across your podcast and you were talking about a lot of the same things that were sort of revelations for me in my own journey. And I think you also had, at one point, an interview with someone with chronic illness. And I just thought, oh my God, I've got to have you on.
Diane: So Emily, I'm so glad to have you here. And I'm wondering if you would tell us a little bit about your own personal, you know, mindfulness and simple living journey.
WHEN LIFE GETS TOO FULL, SIMPLE LIVING CAN MAKE ROOM (00:06:40)
Emily: Yeah, of course. Well, thank you again for having me. And my journey actually began with infertility. So I knew I wanted to be a mom and my husband and I were trying and trying. It wasn't happening. So we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility, which is just, you know, everything is working properly, you're just not getting pregnant.
Emily: And at the time I was working full-time, I was kind of saying yes to everything asked of me. I am definitely a chronic people pleaser. I don't like to disappoint people. So I was like putting a lot on my plate and I found out about minimalism actually through a habits course that I was taking through Leo Babauta. He's at Zen Habits.
Emily: And I read the book Everything That Remains by the Minimalists, who, you know, it's funny what I do now, helping overwhelmed moms, but they're like two, you know, two guys who wear black T-shirts all the time. And you wouldn't think that that would be the influence. But just what they were saying about how it was more than stuff and, you know, living more intentionally and what that looked like.
Emily: And I realized that if we were going to make room in our home, but also that emotional mental room, which is also very important, that being able to clear what wasn't serving me anymore was going to be helpful. And it was. And I was able to focus on the in vitro fertilization protocol, which is pretty rigorous, your blood work and daily injections and all of this stuff.
Diane: Yeah.
Emily: And we were lucky enough to conceive our oldest via in vitro fertilization, which was great. And then ended up having our second as kind of a surprise baby. So we didn't have any medical intervention for him. We had embryos, but we didn't need them.
Emily: And so then it was having two under two and I had postpartum anxiety. And for me, it was more like the amount of decisions, just wanting to — I had sort of that foundation of simplicity and minimalism, which was great, but it was more like the decision fatigue that was setting in from having two under two and just like what we were doing and the decisions to be made.
Emily: And so then I became kind of like ruthlessly eliminating the decisions that no longer helped me or served me. And so, yeah, in all seasons of motherhood, I mean, as I told you before we started recording, I thought that I had PMDD. I think I'm just a highly sensitive person and I need to adjust certain things about my self-care and what I'm taking on and recognizing the stimulus in my visual and tactile environment really impacts me.
Emily: So that has been an issue in my motherhood as far as dealing with anger and dealing with control issues, all that fun stuff that we talk to our therapists about. So yeah, that's a little bit about how I got here. I started blogging and then started the podcast. And so now I'm helping overwhelmed moms declutter their homes, heads, and hearts since it's not just the physical stuff. It's also that emotional mental stuff as well.
Diane: Yes. And I love that so much that you have introduced that concept right off the bat, which is that minimalism and simple living really isn't just about the things, right? That's kind of what we think of at the outset or when we're first introduced to it. But really, ultimately, it's also about how we feel inside our thoughts, right? And the mental capacity that we have to deal with all the things we have to deal with.
Emily: Especially as moms, right?
Diane: Yes. Yes. Yeah. And oh my God, that's, as a mom, that just kind of hits you like a ton of bricks. Right? Like the change is just instant and it's enormous.
Emily: Yeah.
Diane: Yeah. So, I mean, you just mentioned that you work with moms helping them with both their physical clutter, but also their mental clutter. You talked about your personal journey. And so you also have a decluttering coaching service. Is that right? Yeah. And a Facebook group related to that, and a top 1% globally ranked podcast, and that's called Moms Overcoming Overwhelm.
Emily: Yes.
Diane: So can you share — and I think you've already started to touch on it — but between your personal experience and then also now working with moms, what are you learning or what have you learned about the connection between clutter and anxiety and stress?
HOW CLUTTER CAN RAISE STRESS BEFORE YOU EVEN NOTICE IT (00:11:38)
Emily: Yeah. Well, anytime I have someone new join the group or I connect with a mom, they talk about how the stuff in their home is stressing them out. It's just overwhelming, just the sheer amount. And then of course, when you have kids, they come with their own stuff, regardless of what age. You know, my boys are seven and almost six and we're kind of well into the Lego phase. And so, you know, Legos all over and I've learned to embrace it.
Emily: But what I loved doing kind of in the process of having the blog and then the podcast and the coaching is to dive into the science behind clutter and how it really affects us, not just anecdotally like, oh, my clutter's stressing me out. And there's actually a direct connection between clutter and the stress hormone cortisol. So our cortisol levels actually rise.
Emily: And there are a couple of studies about this, but they took saliva samples of women giving tours of their home. If they described it as cluttered or disorganized, their cortisol levels are actually higher than women that were describing their homes as cozy or organized or whatever. And also the husbands, sorry guys, but the husbands did not have the same rise in cortisol levels.
Diane: Okay.
Emily: Which is pretty fascinating. So also when you think about anxiety, sometimes I think about the impact on my focus and my attention and being able to like, just do something without distraction. Because that can cause me a lot of anxiety if I feel —
Diane: Yes.
Emily: And our brains actually register clutter as like undone tasks, right? So we're looking around, it's like, oh, I see my laundry basket. You know, I have to fold the laundry. I need to sign that form. I need to put that away. And when you just think about our vision and what's in our visual field, if it is really cluttered, then our brain is not able to focus. And it actually impacts our focus, of course, but also our short-term memory. And so there've been some interesting studies about that.
Emily: But also tactile, and I mentioned as a highly sensitive person, I'm just very, I'm impacted by, you know, touch and so forth. But also for our children, they're learning so much through their senses. And so, if they are in their playroom or toy room, and they're just dumping everything out and going on to the next thing, and we think, oh my gosh, our kids are bored. We have to get them more toys. They're just overwhelmed. They're overstimulated by all of the stuff. So it impacts our family. It impacts us.
Emily: And yeah, I mean, I know for me, being able to remove the excess, you don't also have that mental inventory of thinking of all of the stuff that you have to keep track of. Like think about clothing switch-outs for the season for your kids. Like, if you had like five bins of clothes between summer and winter, you're going to be spending a ton of time.
Emily: Whereas for me, my kids usually have like five to 10 pairs of pants or shirts. And so it's really easy to do that switch-out. I don't have all this mental inventory. So I think just kind of those are just some of the ways that clutter impacts our focus, our anxiety levels, our stress. And in my experience, less stuff leads to less mental clutter that also makes you feel less stressed. So it's a win, win, win.
Diane: Yes. Oh, I love that. Yes. Less stuff leads to less mental clutter. And that, therefore, helps bring down our stress. And, as we were talking just now, so many bells are going off in my head, because, firstly, I love kind of the science backup that you've found. And that made me think, long before any of these things ever happened to me, I remember when I would have to prepare for an exam or a project or something, let's say for school, I often would have to clean my room first. And it wasn't a matter of procrastination. It was, I cannot focus until this space feels calmer.
Diane: And now in my journey with PMDD, I have really kind of brought the minimalism way down in our home. And it's because as I do more and more, what I'm finding is literally being able to see more space and have more space and feel like I can walk through my home more freely without crashing into a million things actually makes me feel soothed and more peaceful in my home. And so as you're talking, I'm going, yes, yes, yes. But that's so fascinating.
Diane: Yeah. You mentioned that increased cortisol in the women who were describing their homes as being more cluttered. And what I love about this, and what I'm thinking about it in terms of, like, the connection to PMDD, is we also know from research that people with PMDD in the luteal phase are actually more sensitive to stress, meaning that it takes less for us to be stressed and it's harder to kind of come back from that stress.
Diane: And so that's why stress management is so important, because you're already very, very much more sensitive in the luteal phase. So to see that, like, you can literally point to this research and show how reducing your physical and mental clutter can help bring down your stress levels, the levels of your stress hormones, it's just so fascinating.
Diane: I want to ask you too, because you've brought it up a little bit, and I know this is something else that you talk a lot about: decision-making. You had mentioned that before and you mentioned it also in relation to motherhood as well as our clutter. So can you touch a little bit more on decision-making and decision fatigue?
DECISION FATIGUE, LIMITED CAPACITY, AND WHY SIMPLE SYSTEMS MATTER (00:18:02)
Emily: Yeah. Yes. Decision fatigue. So we don't think that our stuff is harming us, but we talked a little bit about how it impacts stress and anxiety. And when we think about stuff and the more stuff we have, there's more choices that we have to make between our stuff.
Emily: So I like to give the example of getting dressed in the morning, since everyone has that experience. And if I go into my closet and I have, like, 50 pairs of pants and 50 shirts and, you know, 50 pairs of shoes, then my decision to what I'm going to wear is harder than someone that has, like, a capsule wardrobe and they have a very limited number of pieces as far as what they're wearing.
Emily: And we have decisions going on right from the moment we open our eyes in the morning. What we're wearing, what we're eating, what our kids are eating, what they're wearing, what they're doing. And I think that the average is that we make 35,000 decisions a day, but I always say that it's more for parents because we make decisions on behalf of our kids. So we like to have choices.
Diane: I wonder why we're so exhausted.
Emily: I know. I know. We like to have a certain amount of choice. So if we, you know, went to a restaurant and they had like two things to eat, we'd be pretty annoyed probably. But then I always like to talk about the Cheesecake Factory, that you have like this, like novel for your menu, and it's too much choice. There's actually something called choice overload.
Emily: So like at a certain point we want to have choice, but then if there's too many choices, we get overwhelmed by those choices. And then when you're having to make a decision, sometimes we avoid the decision altogether. We have the, you know, analysis paralysis, that we can't figure out what we want, or we're worried about having buyer's remorse if we're like buying something.
Emily: You know, I talk about like getting socks for my kids and we, you know, my grandmother would go to like the one store to get socks for her kids. So we go on Amazon and we read like 50 reviews and then like one says five stars, one says one star. And two hours later, our kids still don't have socks because we've gone down this rabbit hole of like Amazon reviews and the number of choices is just too much for us.
Emily: Like my boys say, Mommy, I want to watch the show where the dinosaurs go into space. And I'm like, what streaming service? Like what? You know, we have like five, six different streaming services, all of these choices for like what our kids watch. And we have to find like the one show with like the dinosaurs up in space. Like, I don't know.
Emily: So all of it leads to decision fatigue, which is the deteriorating quality of our decisions over the course of the day. And so when we are about to go to bed at night, if you have your spouse or partner and they're like, I want to talk to you about the taxes or this upcoming trip and the logistics, like we're going to Disney soon, so this is on my mind, and I'm just like, no, I'm done for the day. Like I've made all the decisions I want to make on behalf of myself and everyone else.
Emily: And so when we're able to have less stuff, we have less choices, and that means we're able to simplify and streamline our decisions or even remove unnecessary ones. Like I do laundry every day, not because as a family of four we have to, but because I don't want to think about it. I want to decide once. I'm doing laundry every day. So I don't wake up and say, I wonder if I should do laundry. Let me look at the baskets. Are they full? Are they kind of full? I don't know. I just know I'm doing it. Right?
Diane: Yeah.
Emily: So that really helps not only with our anxiety, but also with our energy and our focus. And we want to be able to preserve our energy, especially for women that are dealing with PMDD. You want to be able to make sure that energy is going the right places because it's so limited at certain times in your cycle. So removing unnecessary decisions is one way to help with that.
Diane: Yes. For anyone who has a limited capacity for any amount of time, that really becomes the key, is figuring out how to prioritize, how to minimize the number of things you need to take care of and the number of decisions you need to make. You are absolutely right.
Diane: I want to highlight something you said because yes, we all know about decision fatigue, and we've heard that term and we know that feeling of getting to the end of the day and feeling like, oh, no, no, no, don't even. That's a conversation for another day. I'm not going there right now.
Diane: But something else you said was, as we get further in the day, further along and, you know, the decisions are racking up, the quality of the decision-making is going down the more and more fatigued we've become. That was huge, hearing that. I mean, I think we know that on some level, but I've never heard it explained that way, or that part highlighted, which I think is so crucial.
Diane: I think if people understood that more, perhaps, you know, I don't know, perhaps we'd be more compelled to try to decrease the number of decisions we have to make or decrease our mental clutter.
Emily: Just real quick, the one thing I always like to think about is the ubiquitous, like, Mom, what's for dinner? And we're like, well, think about when that falls in the day. Right? It's near the end of the day. And so we're not wanting to have to make a decision at five o'clock, you know, or whatever.
Emily: And so that's — I actually interviewed someone from my podcast and she wrote a book about making slow cooker meals for a year, like every day for a year, which is pretty cool. But just the thought is like in the morning you have the energy and you just kind of throw it in the pot, and then your five o'clock self is really happy because you're not having to make a decision when you've experienced that decision fatigue after an entire day.
Emily: So I feel like that for me, it's like, when my kids come home from school, that like 3:30, four o'clock, I'm already pretty much done the day, you know, and I don't want to give my kids like the scraps of what I have left. And so as much as I can preserve that energy and decision-making, you know, muscles and energy, I want to make sure to do that.
Diane: Yes. I love that.
HOW TO MAKE DAILY CHOICES EASIER BEFORE PMDD MAKES THEM HARDER (00:25:00)
Diane: Okay, so going on that same path, then, because we're talking about different ways to simplify our decisions, and I feel like you've already thrown out so many nuggets, just kind of, you know, stealthily. You're talking about, you know, making meal planning simpler. You're talking about making laundry simpler, making choosing what we're going to wear simpler.
Diane: So if you'd like to, do you want to explore that a little more? Like talk about the practical things we can actually do to help make decisions simpler for ourselves.
Emily: Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I mean, I think it's as easy as kind of starting with like what your normal day looks like and thinking about, you know, things that really don't matter in the grand scheme that you could, for a season — this is why I always say for a season, because people feel like they're getting boxed in. Like, oh my gosh, I don't want to just have limited choices because they feel like trapped.
Emily: But if you're able to look at it for like, for a season, I'm going to have like a smoothie for breakfast, you know, every day, and so I don't have to think about it. Or always have leftovers. Like if you make that crockpot meal, you double it so that you're just going to have the leftovers for lunch the next day, and you don't have to think about what you're having for lunch.
Emily: I feel like meals is a big one, especially if you, like I have, are responsible for what we're feeding our families, but also figuring out what I'm going to eat. And I would say for exercise or for movement. Like for me, I do something, it's a YouTube thing where she posts every day and I just don't think about it. I don't come down and I'm on YouTube for like 30 minutes, like I want to do this workout. No, I want to do this workout. I just am like, no, this is what I'm doing for this season. I've decided once and that's how I'm going to get, you know, my movement in.
Emily: Trying to think of some other examples. I mean, I feel like laundry, but also just kind of more like the chores or cleaning. Just kind of knowing like, okay, we've decided once that I'm going to do a bathroom a day or, you know, whatever it is. Not that you have to have like a rigid schedule, but just that you're freeing up your brainpower for things that are more important.
Emily: And I spoke to a mom of 10 and she is at Mama Systems and she's all about, you know, systems and everything. And I just loved it. You know, they do the theme nights, but then it's not like, so for food, not like it's so rigid, like Taco Tuesday has to be like the same taco. Like it could just mean Mexican food, you know? But then she's decided that in advance and she has older kids helping and, you know, they just like decided we're okay being quote unquote boring because it makes our lives easier.
Emily: So just thinking where you can be boring and it's okay. So that you can focus on the decisions that are really important. Like, okay, I have to be tracking my PMDD symptoms and that's really important, or I need to make sure I'm focusing on this, you know, going on with my child or whatever, you know, the case may be. So I pride myself in being boring in the best way when it comes to simplifying and removing those unnecessary decisions.
Diane: But it's not, right? Because it's more just a guide. Like you say, for example, with the example of the Taco Tuesday, it's not that you have to do the same exact taco. It's literally just kind of narrowing down the option in advance so that now, you know, within this frame, within these guardrails, I'll make more refined decisions. But it's alleviating so much stress in the process and making that one little kind of advanced decision.
Emily: Yeah. I love the guardrails thing, by the way. I think about that often because it's not like you have to be on this exact path, you know, whether that comes, you're talking about minimalism or, you know, intentional living or simplifying or whatever it is. It's just guardrails around your life so that you're not having to spend the energy going all over the place, but there's still freedom.
Emily: Like, I feel like one of the things that is counterintuitive is the freedom that you have within boundaries. And that goes within, you know, for parenting as we're teaching our children. And so if we're able to say like, okay, well, you know, this is what we're going to do as a family. But then within that boundary of we're only going to do one activity per kid, let's just say, then you get to pick what the activity is. It's just that we have decided our guardrail as a family is we're not going to do like five sports apiece, you know, for example.
Diane: And I think to kind of like layer it with PMDD, there are two things you said that really stood out to me. One, you don't have to think about making, you know, putting in these guardrails for forever. So you said take it one season at a time and, you know, I think you could even take it one cycle at a time if you wanted to look at it that way.
Diane: Also for PMDDers, figuring out meals or just kind of trying to feed ourselves at all or feed ourselves, you know, something nourishing can be very challenging when we're at our worst. So finding ways to simplify that can be a huge help and a huge way of alleviating unnecessary stress, let's say, or external stressors.
Diane: And it doesn't have to be, you know, again, within that simplifying meals, there's so many ways to do it. Find the way that works for you. Maybe it's prepping the meals in advance. Maybe it's, like you said, deciding we're going to do leftovers and doubling things or doing the crockpot meal, you know, having themes, but knowing, kind of acknowledging that this is a pain point, and then how can I make it simpler for myself moving forward and putting in those guardrails can be such a huge, such a way to lift such a huge amount of stress in a relatively simple way.
Emily: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Right. And it has, at least in my life, it's had a huge — I mean, it's had a huge impact. We think about the things that impact our stress and anxiety. And a lot of times we think about like external factors, I guess. But this is really like very simple switches that we can make in our day-to-day.
DECLUTTERING WHEN YOUR ENERGY IS ALREADY BEING SPENT ON SURVIVING (00:31:55)
Diane: Yeah. So I have a sense that a lot of this is probably actually pretty similar for people specifically dealing with chronic illness. But I do know that, for example, in your Facebook group and on your podcast, you've chatted with some people who do live with chronic illness. And so I'm just curious if you have any particular takeaways you want to share, or, you know, anecdotes or stories or just anything you want to share about bringing in minimalism or simple living into a life where you perhaps are dealing with chronic illness challenges.
Emily: Yeah, sure. So I would say, I definitely know people that have chronic illness that have benefited from a decluttered and more minimal life. And part of that has to do with, depending on the type of chronic illness, just sort of the energy that's required to manage a chronic illness. All of our stuff, because we don't think about, you know, our stuff taking up our time, but it also takes up our energy, a great deal of energy to be able to find it, to manage it, to clean it or to clean around it.
Emily: And so just having less stuff also makes it easier for us to move within our home and just, you know, physically speaking. But also I would say it really helps with like the mental burden, like we've talked about a little bit, that can already be really high for someone with a chronic illness because they're having something constantly going on in their lives and they don't need added like mental burden on their lives.
Emily: And so it's really like that reducing the excess decisions, reducing the excess stuff. You're able to free up that mental capacity to deal with other things. And I always, in our Facebook group, we do challenges that are 15 minutes a day or less. And if it's five or 10 minutes, that's fine because a lot of times with a chronic illness, you don't have the energy to be like, oh, I can declutter my house for a whole weekend. Like people don't have that time anyway, but especially with a chronic illness, you probably don't have the energy to be sustaining that for a long time.
Diane: Yeah.
Emily: So just remembering everything counts, everything adds up, and just having kind of those small steps. I recommend starting in the unemotional, unsentimental areas like your car, your bathroom, your linen closet, your laundry room, your fridge. Like you get rid of moldy food, it counts as decluttering in my book. So making it easy for yourself to have those quick wins as you're going through the decluttering and simplifying process.
Diane: I love that so much because you're right, when you develop a chronic illness, it is now this other thing that you're maintaining constantly, day in, day out, moment to moment. And particularly if you are, let's say early in your journey or in survival mode or in a flare or whatever it is, that's now, like, your full-time job, in addition to all your other full-time jobs, right? Whatever work you're doing, your home, your children. And so, yes, on top of that, we may have very reduced capacity.
Diane: Now it's even more of a burden to have this extra physical and mental clutter to manage. And so I also like that you said, we don't have to be overwhelmed and sort of try to tackle it all at once. You can tackle it five minutes at a time. You can tackle that one drawer or space that, you know, really doesn't carry anything very sentimental in it and is quite easy to get through.
Diane: And I love that so much because I have felt myself the impact of just doing five minutes or 15 minutes, or just doing one small space at a time. And I think that's, you know, whether we have chronic illness or not, I think that this is a very common thing people go through when they're getting started. So do you want to talk to that a little bit about the impact of these small, easy changes?
Emily: Yeah, definitely. So the women that join my group, of course, they're overwhelmed. Hence the name, right? Moms Overcoming Overwhelm. And it's hard for them to think about having anything else on their plate to do, right?
Emily: So when I'm able to say, okay, first of all, we're going to start in those unemotional areas where most of the things you're going to find are trash or things that just need to be relocated to their home, or, you know, maybe some things that you want to keep. We're not dealing with like those agonizing decisions. And you can actually make quite a big impact in these small contained spaces in a short amount of time.
Emily: Using the car as an example, which is where I recommend people start, that is mostly trash, things that need to be, you know, returned to the store or returned to your home. But you're maybe in your car a lot. And so you're able to enjoy the benefits of cleaning and, you know, decluttering that small space. And then you have that like, oh wow, I want to move on to the next area and the next area. And so when you can see the impact of that, it really helps.
Emily: That's why I don't recommend that people start with their clothes and take everything out of their closet and dump it on their bed because then you lose steam, you lose energy, or maybe your kid wakes up from their nap early and then you have this pile of stuff on your bed. So we want to just start in kind of those small manageable chunks and in those unemotional areas. And that's really going to help us get the momentum.
Emily: But also I talk about decision-making muscles. Like if I weight train, I'm not going to start with the 50-pound weight of the super sentimental things. I'm going to start with the really easy stuff and then build my decision-making muscles because that's what decluttering is. It's making decisions, right?
Diane: Yeah.
Emily: About what we're keeping and what we're letting go. So yeah, that's usually how I recommend they go about it. And people are able to see huge differences in just a short amount of time, which is great.
ONE PERCENT SHIFTS AND THE DAILY RESETS THAT PROTECT YOUR PEACE (00:38:49)
Diane: I love that so much. You know, speaking of small changes, I think I mentioned to you yesterday, I heard on a recent podcast of yours, you talked about — tell me, [I forget the term?]. I think it was called like the 60 to one rule in aviation, or it was about a 1% shift. And you were talking about how your dad's a recreational flyer. Would you be able to share with us, yes, would you be able to share with us a little bit about this like analogy that you have for small changes?
Emily: Yeah, yeah. So I actually chose for my 2024 phrase of the year, 1% change, you know, 1% better. And the reason is that there are huge impacts that can be made from these 1%, or one degree, shifts. And so in aviation, there is a rule and it's actually called the one in 60 rule, but I'm not a flyer, so I don't, you know, I don't know the technical terms very well.
Emily: But what it means is that if a plane is off course by one degree, then after 60 miles going in that direction, they're going to be a mile away from the place that they were intended to go. So it's all about course correction and kind of looking at it a slightly different way. If we're wanting to go a certain direction, just doing a one degree shift as often as we can, going in the right direction, whether that be every day or every week, that will help get us closer to where we want to go.
Emily: And I love this book called Tiny Habits by B.J. Fogg, and he was talking about how he wanted to create a habit of flossing his teeth. And he started with one tooth. And most people think that getting the floss out and flossing one tooth is kind of like pointless, right? But for him, he wanted to start just starting small, right? With the one and then the next day two and the next day three. And that's the way he was able to form that habit because you have to make it so easy. You can't say no to these things.
Emily: So if you, like me, struggle with drinking water, maybe you're starting with that one glass of water and you add like an ounce of water the next day. Just having these very small one degree shifts can really help us whether it comes to decluttering, any of these habits that we want to adopt. And that's why it really helps me not to get so overwhelmed because I don't have to be from point A to Z right away. I can, you know, go from that point A to B and that's okay.
Diane: Oh, I love that so much. I feel like I'm going to start using that one in 60 rule for everything.
Diane: I am mindful of the time and I want to give you, you know, a chance to talk about what you have going on and how people can find you. But I also want to give you a chance to talk about your personal, I think you call them five non-negotiable habits. So maybe if you have like one or two of your habits that you really want to, you know, talk about the impact of, I invite you to do that. And then if you'd like to talk about what you have going on and how people can find you, we can wrap up that way.
Emily: Yeah. Yeah. That sounds great. So for my non-negotiable habits, these are really the things that help combat anxiety and overwhelm for me. And two of them that I would like to highlight would be doing daily resets. And so that would be like, for example, in my kitchen after the boys have gotten on the bus and I've had my breakfast, just making sure I'm tidying up the kitchen and things are off of surfaces. You know, usually the kitchen counters, the kitchen table, these are places that are dumping grounds for a lot of people. And so just being able to clear those.
Emily: And, you know, when I get ready, I want to make sure I do a bedroom reset. So it's these very short, like getting things. And it's helpful for us to teach our kids as well. So that's one.
Emily: And I think another one just similar to this is that everything has a home. And that's something we can also teach kids pretty early on. You know, they have their stuffies and so we can say, okay, where does Mr. Bear live? Mr. Bear lives on your bed. But it also works for us too, you know, just making sure that having less inventory and less stuff helps us with this, but making sure everything has a home.
Emily: And so that way, if you are looking to get something new, you're asking yourself, well, where is it going to live? Like, where is its home going to be so that we're able to actually use it?
Emily: Those would be, I think, two of the habits I would mention. And I'm going to make it real easy for your listeners. If they go and find me wherever they're listening to you, they can find me at Moms Overcoming Overwhelm, my podcast. And then that links to my Facebook group where we do decluttering challenges, information about my coaching. And so you can find everything over there.
Diane: Oh, that's wonderful. And Emily, I will also add that you shared with me a bunch of great links that I will be including in the show notes as well. So if you're listening and you can head over to the show notes to link back to Emily's Facebook group and all the other good stuff.
Diane: I will mention real quickly, when I was really in the thick of it with survival mode, I definitely developed a routine and a reset habit, because I did find that that was crucial to getting through every day. So I think for me, it was like every morning I emptied the dishwasher, did something related to laundry, so either put a load in or fold a dried load, and make the beds. I'm not even a bed-making person, but I found that doing that kicked off —
Emily: Yeah.
Diane: Yeah, I found that doing it kicked off this like domino effect where once I did that, I maybe took the water cup out of the room and some trash and threw it in the bin, and it helps keep things pretty tidy.
Diane: And then, you know, reset to this day, I won't go to bed without making sure that everything pertaining to food is handled, the dishwasher's turned on, the dining room table is cleared off, because it helps me to wake up and come into a kitchen and a living room that don't stress me out first thing in the morning. So I really like that tip about having routines and resets.
Emily: Yeah. I know there's a book about making your bed first thing in the morning and how that really does kick off every other healthy habit in your day. So I think that's great.
Diane: Yeah. So, Emily, it has been an honor and a privilege to have you here. I truly was so excited when I found your podcast and just became an instant fan. I love all the really great work you're doing. So thank you very, very much for making the time and joining me here today.
Emily: Yeah. Thank you so much for having me, Diane.
OUTRO (00:46:16)
Thank you so much for listening. If you liked the show, please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. For links to everything mentioned in this episode, you can check out the show notes and you can find me, Diane DeJesus, on Instagram @mindfulnessforpmdd. Now I invite you to pause, take a breath, and look around.
