Tried Everything and Still Struggling with PMDD?
If you feel like you have tried all the PMDD treatments and suggested self-management tools and strategies and STILL feel like you're trapped in a vicious cycle with PMDD, you need to listen to this episode.
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I was there. That was me. Literally doing EVERYTHING I could to take care of myself--to optimize my health and minimize my symptoms--and guess what??
No matter how good of a place I got myself to, no matter how much I'd decreased my symptoms...whenever life took a new turn or some new stress came up in my life, PMDD came right back, HARD.
I was convinced I just hadn't found the right cocktail of self-management tools and when I found that last key ingredient--That last item of self-care rituals and healthy habits to add to my never-ending daily self-care to-do list--THEN I was going to finally feel better.
I was convinced...UNTIL I realized it was just too exhausting and completely unsustainable to keep fighting this battle in this way. To put so much of my time, effort, energy, and literal blood, sweat, and tears, into FIGHTING PMDD with a full-time job's worth of self-care tasks.
That's when I realized I needed a new strategy and that's when EVERYTHING turned around...my outlook AND my symptoms!
And now I'm sharing that new strategy with you. The strategy of opening up to mindfulness and acceptance in order to reunite with yourself and the life you really want to live, even as you acknowledge your PMDD struggles and bring them along for the ride...the beautiful NEW ride! -
Title: Tried Everything and Still Struggling with PMDD?
Episode number: 14
Date: 01/26/24
Solo episode: Diane is the only speaker
EXCERPT (00:00:00)
So I did all the things. And look, all of these things provided some level of benefit.
And then here's what happened. Life kept changing and throwing new stressors at me. And when things changed around or got challenging again and I got stressed out, my symptoms would reemerge.
And then one day I realized, maybe what I need is not another thing to do to feel better, but a different way to be. So the other crazy thing that happened is, when I embraced acceptance...
INTRO (00:00:42)
If you want to learn how you can live better with PMDD, this podcast was created for you. This is Mindfulness for PMDD with Diane. I'm Diane and I'm a registered dietitian and lactation consultant. I'm also a mom, a PMDD warrior, and a trauma-informed mindfulness teacher. And this is where I discuss topics related to PMDD through the lens of mindfulness and meditation and where I share all about how mindfulness has gotten me to a place of greater peace and acceptance with my PMDD.
I also chat with people who have helped and inspired me along the way so they can share their wisdom with you too. So let's get started.
SAFETY NOTE / DISCLAIMER (00:01:33)
This podcast is not a substitute for psychological therapy or medical advice. Please take care when listening to this podcast, as some may find certain words or subjects triggering or difficult to hear. Take only what serves you and leave the rest behind.
WHEN DOING ALL THE THINGS STILL DOESN'T FEEL LIKE ENOUGH (00:01:50)
Hello, my darling friends. It is day 11 for me, so I'm feeling pretty good, but I want to talk to you about how I was feeling when I was first diagnosed with PMDD. When I was first diagnosed with PMDD, my first thought was, great, now that I know what this is, I just need to figure out what I need to do to manage this and I'll be fine.
So I did all the things. I took my medication. I saw a therapist. I cleaned up my sleep hygiene, meaning making sure I got enough sleep and good quality sleep. I paid attention to my diet and exercise. I even took up knitting for crying out loud to have a mindful activity to do. I did all the things. I mean, just down the list, check, check, check, like a good girl.
And look, all of these things provided some level of benefit. In fact, when I worked with a dietitian who I've actually interviewed for this podcast — check out the episode with Mandy Rother — when I worked with Mandy, I experienced something like a 90 or 95 percent reduction in symptoms. And then here's what happened. Life kept changing and throwing new stressors at me. And when things changed around or got challenging again and I got stressed out, my symptoms would reemerge.
WHY FIGHTING PMDD CAN BECOME ITS OWN EXHAUSTION (00:03:21)
Why? Because I was angry, I was grieving, I was resistant, I was exhausted, I was fighting. I was fighting my PMDD. I didn't want to have PMDD and I was angry about the ways it affected me and my life and my relationships, even as I worked so hard to manage it. I didn't want to give into it, I didn't want to change, I wanted to go back to the way things were. I was very resentful of PMDD.
So then I'd go back to feeling helpless, hopeless, irritable, angry, depressed, short-tempered, lacking motivation, you know, my, my productivity would go down. I would be ruminating and lost in a lot of negative self-talk. I would feel more [unclear], and once again, I would feel further away from my true self and the life I wanted to live.
And I'd think, you know, I just haven't perfected the formula yet. I need to figure out what else I need to be doing so that I can finally get relief. But this too was exhausting because I felt like it was a full-time job to do all the things all the time.
WHAT ACCEPTANCE REALLY MEANS WHEN YOU ARE LIVING WITH PMDD (00:05:00)
And then one day I realized, maybe what I need is not another thing to do to feel better, but a different way to be. A new perspective, a mindset shift, a new relationship with my PMDD.
Dr. Gabor Maté says something like, what's the use in fighting reality? And I realized I needed to lean into acceptance. And acceptance is not giving up or giving in or resigning yourself to your circumstances. I know that word can be hard to hear, acceptance. I used to hear acceptance and just roll my eyes. It just felt a bit too woo-woo, too abstract, unachievable. And to be honest, I, I would hear the word acceptance and it just, it just felt annoying, to be honest.
But acceptance isn't just giving yourself over to this thing that you're fighting. Acceptance is opening yourself up to what life has offered and being willing to take it in. And take it on and sit with it and not try to fight, fix, or change it.
And when I say that, when I say not try to fight, fix, or change it, when I talk about PMDD specifically, I don't mean don't sleep well and eat well and move your body and take your meds. What I do mean is let's not deny PMDD. Let's not tell ourselves we just need to find the right cocktail of self-management tools and it'll disappear. Let's not stiffen up and meet PMDD with resistance every time the luteal phase comes back around.
WHEN A MINDSET SHIFT OPENS UP MORE SPACE TO LIVE (00:07:15)
And when we can do that, we can then see so much more clearly the possibility for our lives and also those things that we love that we haven't lost. And then we can take meaningful action. That's why true acceptance isn't about rolling over. You know, mindfulness sets the foundation for creating space between ourselves and our challenging thoughts and feelings.
And once we have that space and can think and see clearly again, we can get back in touch with our values, with ourselves, with the things that matter to us in our lives. And we get to then decide how to move forward in a way that honors those values, all those things that are most important to us, so that even with PMDD, we can feel so fulfilled in our lives and satisfied and feel like we are living a truly rich and meaningful life.
And that's what happened to me when I really leaned into mindfulness and acceptance and commitment therapy. And that's why I created Mindfulness for PMDD.
WHEN SYMPTOM RELIEF COMES AS A BYPRODUCT, NOT A PROMISE (00:09:00)
Okay, so the other crazy thing that happened is, when I embraced acceptance, my symptoms suddenly got so much better — minimal, and [minimal in action?] — in a really stable, consistent way, meaning life could get stressful and I still felt really good.
Now, the interesting thing is that neither mindfulness nor ACT make a promise of symptom relief. But ACT has been researched extensively, and what researchers have found is that symptom reduction can happen as a byproduct of one, embracing acceptance, and two, taking meaningful action in your life.
So finding acceptance, and then from there, saying, okay, so now what is it that I truly want out of this life? And how am I going to honor that? How am I going to act on that while living with and walking alongside this challenge or difficulty that life has handed me, and that I acknowledge, but also I'm willing to take on.
A SINGLE BREATH TO CHECK IN WITH YOURSELF (00:10:48)
That's a lot to digest. So I'm going to leave it there. But I want to remind you that you're always welcome to reach out to me. I would love to meet you. I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to chat with you. So you are welcome to go to the links in my show notes to reach out. If you're on Instagram, you can pop on over to Instagram where you can send me a DM or click through my link tree to book a call with me or learn more about my program, Live Better with Mindfulness for PMDD.
All right, my lovelies. If you'd like to join me, let's take a moment for a single cleansing breath together as we say goodbye till next time. So, I'm gonna get comfy in my seat.
And if it feels safe and comfortable for you, taking a deep breath in
and a long, slow breath outward.
See if you can drop your shoulders here.
Settling into your seat, perhaps placing a hand on your heart.
If you're feeling brave, you can try to lift the corners of your mouth into a gentle smile.
And as I leave you, see if you can take a moment to check in with how you are feeling today.
Bye bye, friends.
OUTRO (00:12:52)
Thank you so much for listening. If you liked the show, please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. For links to everything mentioned in this episode, you can check out the show notes and you can find me, Diane DeJesús, on Instagram @mindfulnessforpmdd. Now I invite you to pause, take a breath, and look around.
