How to Balance Family Life and Chronic Illness with Ali Cornish
Do you find it hard to take care of yourself when you've also got kids to parent, a demanding job, a partner to show up for, and bills to pay? Then you need to listen to this interview with Ali Cornish.
-
I reached out to Ali because I wanted to talk to another chronic illness warrior who has embraced simple living, minimalism, and mindfulness. Because I've learned that while we may have different diagnoses, often those of us living with chronic illness will have very similar experiences and challenges and desires for our own lives.
Ali very generously shares with us:Her chronic illness journey
Some of the traumas she has experienced in her life
How she got her first taste of minimalism while still in high school
How her relationship with minimalism and simple living evolved over time with her changing experiences and needs as she moved through different seasons of life
We also reflect on the difficulty of making time for self care when we have demanding jobs, people who need us, and bills to pay.
Ali Cornish is a freelance writer and founder of Ever Thrive, who lives in Northern Colorado with her husband and two young sons. She was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis in 2016, but has been living with its symptoms since 2011. Ali has lived mostly pain free since adopting a minimalist lifestyle, as well as an anti inflammatory plant based diet.
An advocate for naturopathic healing, she's also found relief from debilitating pain by drastically reducing stress in her life and work. Since her diagnosis, she has shared her story through Everthrive, a website dedicated to simple and essential living.
Ali is inspired by nature, mindful living, and living a low tech lifestyle. She weaves this ethos into her minimalist way of life, all of which have assisted in managing her AS symptoms. -
How to Balance Family Life and Chronic Illness with Ali Cornish
Episode number: 17
Date: 03.08.24
Speakers: Diane DeJesus, RD, IBCLC (host) · Ali Cornish, Everthrive (guest)
EXCERPT (00:00)
Ali: With my teaching job and any full-time job, you know, I kind of think about this a lot. You know, there's no room for people to manage their health and their mental health and their, their stress management. They don't even think about it because they're constantly running at this, this degree of energy, just like run, run, run. You don't even realize that you're under great stress because you're just getting stuff done. That's good, but you kind of have to make tuning into yourself and checking in part of your daily routine and life. And then so many people have no chance to do that.
INTRO (00:34)
If you want to learn how you can live better with PMDD, this podcast was created for you. This is Mindfulness for PMDD with Diane. I'm Diane and I'm a registered dietitian and lactation consultant. I'm also a mom, a PMDD warrior, and a trauma-informed mindfulness teacher. And this is where I discuss topics related to PMDD through the lens of mindfulness and meditation and where I share all about how mindfulness has gotten me to a place of greater peace and acceptance with my PMDD.
I also chat with people who have helped and inspired me along the way so they can share their wisdom with you too. So let's get started.
SAFETY NOTE / DISCLAIMER (01:25)
This podcast is not a substitute for psychological therapy or medical advice. Please take care when listening to this podcast, as some may find certain words or subjects triggering or difficult to hear. Take only what serves you and leave the rest behind.
WHAT CHRONIC ILLNESS AND SIMPLE LIVING HAVE IN COMMON (01:46)
I reached out to Ali Cornish because I wanted to talk to another chronic illness warrior who has embraced simple living, minimalism, and mindfulness. Because I've learned that while we may have different diagnoses, often those of us living with chronic illness will have very similar experiences and challenges and desires for our own lives.
And Ali and I did get to talk about those things. But man, did we get into so much more. Ali very generously shares with us, not only her chronic illness journey, but also some of the traumas she has experienced in her life. She also explains how, while she got her first taste of minimalism in high school, her relationship with minimalism and simple living evolved over time with her changing experiences and needs as she moved through different seasons of life.
So going to college. Beginning a career in early adulthood, experiencing some big challenges, and rediscovering her priorities.
We also reflect on the difficulty of making time for self-care when we have demanding jobs, people who need us, and bills to pay. During our chat, you'll hear me bring up the PMDD stress cycle, and I don't really think I did a great job of it in the moment, so I will just briefly explain here that PMDD makes us more sensitive to stressors, and so we'll react to stressors more quickly and in a bigger way.
And, also, PMDD is exacerbated by stress. So this big stress response just makes our symptoms worse. Thus, putting us in a vicious PMDD stress cycle. I swear I discussed this and the research behind it far more eloquently in the second episode of this podcast. It's called Managing PMDD Stress with Mindfulness if you want to learn more about that.
Back to Ali. Ali Cornish is a freelance writer and founder of Everthrive, who lives in Northern Colorado with her husband and two young sons. She was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis in 2016, but has been living with its symptoms since 2011. Ali has lived mostly pain-free since adopting a minimalist lifestyle, as well as an anti-inflammatory plant-based diet.
An advocate for naturopathic healing, she's also found relief from debilitating pain by drastically reducing stress in her life and work. Since her diagnosis, she has shared her story through Everthrive, a website dedicated to simple and essential living.
Her work has also been featured in a number of publications, including Minimalism Life, Break the Twitch, Want Less, Simplicity Voices, The Imperfect Millennials Podcast, No More Corners, The Moms Overcoming Overwhelm Podcast, and [Janet Luhrs' Simple Living?]. Ali is inspired by nature, mindful living, and living a low-tech lifestyle. She weaves this ethos into her minimalist way of life, all of which have assisted in managing her AS symptoms. So, without further ado, please enjoy my chat with Ali Cornish.
ALI'S LIFE WITH AS AND WHAT MINIMALISM MADE POSSIBLE (05:23)
Diane: Welcome, Ali.
Ali: Thank you. I'm so glad to be here.
Diane: I am so excited to have you here and to chat with you today. Before we really jump into the nitty gritty, can you share with us a little bit about just yourself and your life and a little bit about the chronic illness that you are living with?
Ali: For sure. Well, my name is Ali. I'm a wife to Josh. I'm a mom of two. I have a five-and-a-half-year-old and a three-year-old. I'm a writer. Sourdough baker. I love craft beer. I love going outside and hiking. I'm also a late-life runner. I started running at the age of 40, and it's been amazing. Actually, I got like second place of my first race and then I got first place on my second race.
Diane: No way. That's awesome.
Ali: I know. I really can't keep up with that track record, you know, so I haven't signed up for any other races. I'm like, I've peaked. Yeah, I also have an autoimmune disease called AS, which the long form is ankylosing spondylitis, and it's quite the mouthful. So yeah, that's kind of me in a nutshell.
Diane: So for you with AS, what are the sort of symptoms that you have dealt with over time?
Ali: It was really a huge range of symptoms. At the most benign, it's a recurring eye infection in my left eye called iritis. And it basically is my cells in my eye are becoming inflamed. And I guess like the white part of my eye thinks that my iris is a foreign object and is trying to like eradicate it. That's how, like in layman's terms, the ophthalmologist presented it to me, but it's an indication. People who have this 50 percent of the time have, or it's just something random, or 50 percent of the time you have an autoimmune disease.
Diane: Oh, interesting.
Ali: Or at a time in my life I couldn't even walk because it affects your spine and inflames like the lower part of my spine where it attaches to like my pubic bone, my sacrum and all that. So basically my spine is fusing over time and it causes a lot of pain. And it's not great. Whole body pain, basically. I couldn't get out of bed for a time and it was really hard to walk, to stand, to sit or lay down, just basically do anything. So yeah, I'm feeling great now though, so I have pretty good attitude about my, like, long-term health because I've been able to reach this place of, I guess you could call it remission, so it's pretty nice.
Diane: Yeah, that does sound like it was probably really, really tough though at kind of the peak of your symptoms.
Ali: Yeah.
Diane: And you mentioned that you have two young kids. Did this, you know, I've heard you on another podcast, as I mentioned to you, and I've read your blog, but I don't know if I've seen, did this happen sort of before becoming a mom or after?
Ali: Yeah, I had kids after I was diagnosed and while I was feeling okay. So, I started feeling symptoms in 2011 when I was probably like 29 or 30, and they just kept getting worse and worse, but then they got better. And during that, like, upswing, that's when I got pregnant. I wasn't fully, perfectly pain-free, but the pregnancy actually helped with relieving a lot of the pain, strangely, because I heard that maybe it's like an old wives' tale that when you're pregnant, your body is trying to keep this foreign object in you alive, right? And it doesn't want to, you know, get rid of it. So your immune system backs off. And so my immune system is overactive and it totally backed off. And pretty much since then I've been, you know, pretty healthy besides the, my eye infection comes back every now and then, but otherwise, yeah.
Diane: That's really fascinating. You know, from hearing and reading some of your story, what I understand is that it sounds like minimalism and simple living began to enter your life, I think, before the AS came along, but they really became more prominent in your life, maybe more of a priority or more of a focus after your AS diagnosis. Just briefly for the listener, just because I think it's really interesting, can you sort of set up for us kind of how those relationships with minimalism and simple living entered your life in the beginning?
Ali: Okay. Yeah. As you said, it was kind of a staggered intro for me. So I was introduced with the basic concept of minimalism actually when I went to a wilderness camp in Minnesota. I was in high school. And you didn't get to bring like everything with you. You actually only got to pack out what you could carry on your back, and you weren't allowed to bring like CD players. And this is like the '90s, you know. We could bring books with us, but basically what we packed in, we had to pack out. And we were introduced, the other campers and I were introduced, to the concept of leave-no-trace camping.
Ali: So basically you enter the wilderness and leave the wilderness exactly how you arrived and how it was, and just kind of instilled in me this care for the environment, the literal environment of the outdoors. But also I saw the results of how it affected me and my respect for the environment. The ease by which you could travel with basically nothing and survive in the wilderness. And I, I was hooked. I thought that was so great. And so I kind of took that with me a little bit. You know, I'm in high school and you're, you know, doing your tests and your grades and getting all social and learning how to interact with your peers. So the seed was planted though, and that was pretty important.
Ali: And it just kind of spiraled. You know, go to college and you only have an apartment. I really loved it. I never bought any furniture for myself. Even when I was like out on my own after college, I just loved to pack everything in a couple of bags and, like, the ease with which I could just go from an apartment to a new apartment or a different living situation. That was important to me at the time.
Ali: Yeah. So that was minimalism, and simple living came in later. So minimalism, as I was, you know, what I was saying, was more about like possessions and how many possessions I had and a handle on possessions. I wasn't familiar with like the mental. I guess mental minimalism, I don't know. Like, making sure your mind is clutter-free and you're focusing on all the right things and you're focusing on only the essential and like, letting go of all the rest. So I was not doing that at the time.
Ali: I was kind of, you know, the grass is always greener on the other side, looking behind people at the bar, like who else is more interesting to talk to. I had like three jobs at the same time that were not fulfilling my financial requirements for my lifestyle. That was pretty much based on like social needs and like feeling validated by people and rediscovering myself through other people's eyes and through new places and experiences. I was just kind of go, go, go, go.
Ali: And at some point, I knew I needed to make a change. There wasn't like really an inciting incident there, but I just gradually realized, well, this isn't working for me. I'm tired. I'm out of shape. I'm unhappy. Like my unhappiness was just palpable. So yeah, I decided to take kind of a look at my priorities and reevaluate, and I started with my jobs. I thought three jobs, that's ridiculous. Like, I can do things, I can have one job. Like, what can I do instead of what do I want to do? You know, I want to work in a magazine, I want to work in a restaurant, and what, you know, I can do all these things, but what would be something I can do to like give back and also be good at?
Ali: So I decided to train to be a teacher, and that's when like everything kind of fell in place for me. Going back to school was really awesome the second time around because I think paying for my own education as a graduate student, I took it a lot more seriously. And it was paving the way for an actual career, which I was really excited about. And just that structure of the school day, you know, you get there, you have your classes and then you have lunch at a certain time and then you, you know, eventually leave. I really enjoyed that kind of time-based scheduling of getting things done. It was a good career, like, move for me. And that's when everything sort of fell in place in terms of living more simply.
WHEN STRESS, TRAUMA, AND ILLNESS CHANGE WHAT YOUR BODY CAN CARRY (15:00)
Diane: Oh, excuse me. And so I think I remember you saying — I'm not saying, but I think I remember either on one of the podcasts I heard you on or your blog — you mentioned that when you were diagnosed with AS, it was another period, I guess, of having to take another look at your life and what was working for you and what wasn't. And that was a moment in your life where you, you called it like doubling down. Like, you had to double down or chose to double down on your minimalism and simple living. Can we talk about that a bit?
Ali: Oh, yeah. So this is the longer story. So as I said, I was, you know, I found stability. I was living more simply. I was a teacher in high school, and I had, you know, my hours were planned out and I was, you know, leading a healthy lifestyle. I was coaching cross country. I was spending time outside with my dog. Everything seemed to be really good. However, a lot of trauma, like, entered my life at that time as well. It was out of my control. I was in a previous marriage that totally fell apart.
Ali: My husband at the time, ex-husband, was leading a double life and he was really unhappy and not telling me about it, and he took it out on me in a lot of really unhealthy ways. He became an alcoholic. He became emotionally, verbally abusive towards me. He would like stay out till dawn and then wake me up and make me get out of bed and like berate me for like even caring about him. I don't know. It was a lot of real struggle there, like, trying to figure out, like, what is wrong with him, first of all, and also, how did I get in this situation, kind of feeling sorry for myself a little, like, how did I choose this life, this wrong person as my mate.
Ali: And we ended up getting divorced. It was very amicable. Obviously things were not going well, and we figured out a lot of things about each other and mostly him that needed to be worked on separately. So I was able to climb out of that abyss. But I, I thought I was resilient and I thought like I was unscathed and totally fine. But then there was another incident at my workplace where a student groped me and the police had to get involved, and it eventually led to the swift expulsion of the student. But that was, that was just like the icing on the cake at that time.
Ali: So yeah, basically that's when I started feeling physically unwell. Like I started not being able to walk very well. I would take a few steps in my classroom while I was teaching students, high school students, and I would like fall. And I would just, you know, kind of like, oh, whoops, I tripped over my, you know, just kind of like joking, like, whoops. But something was not right. I wasn't able to hold up my body weight with my legs and everything became painful from sitting, standing, every movement I did was just so, like, excruciatingly painful.
Ali: And of course I went to a million doctors and, you know, we figured out what was wrong with me. And eventually I, I quit my job because it was very, I loved it. I loved my job. I loved the teaching and the interaction with the students and the learning and how I was learning along with them. And it was just perfect for me. But the teachers in this day and age, I don't know if it's always been like this, but they burn the candle at all ends. You know, you're up at 4 a.m. You don't go to bed till midnight. You're grading papers. You're standing up in front of the class, like public speaking. That's not one of my skills. I'm not a public speaker. So I had to, every day, put myself out of my comfort zone.
Ali: And so that kind of ongoing stress combined with the traumas from before, just my body just couldn't take it anymore and just exploded into autoimmune disease. So I had to take some really swift and big measures to feel well again. And the first one was just to quit my job and remove that big stress from my life, along with, you know, other things, but that was the main one.
Diane: Well, I just want to take a moment to acknowledge just how much you were going through at that time with your relationship and then the incident at school, and then that, you know, culminating into this effect on your body. And then, you know, this new thing that you're going through in your body. You know, I don't have to tell you chronic illness is like a trauma in itself, that experience of going through it and then trying to figure out what's going on with you.
Diane: So yeah, I just want to take a moment to acknowledge and sort of honor how much you've been through. And, you know, just knowing where you are now, how much work it had to take to get to where you are now.
Diane: You know, you mentioned that all of this kind of, well, it seems like it was something that was building, building, and beginning with your leaving your job, I guess it sounds like you started to realize that you just needed to make some changes in your life in order to better take care of yourself. And as I was listening to that, it sounded like it's all this, it's not just trauma, but it's like literally the stress on your body. With AS, my understanding is that this is true for a lot of autoimmune disease. With AS, is there something happening where literally the stressors in your life can do that? They can exacerbate symptoms and cause things to get worse?
Ali: Yeah, I've done a fair amount of research lately about autoimmunity and cortisol levels and stress and everything. And yeah, there's a direct correlation between the amount of stress in your body and how much inflammation you have. And it's the inflammation that causes the pain because your joints are so inflamed. The nerves are impacted and you just literally cannot move because of the swelling and there's so much that goes on.
Diane: Right.
Ali: You know, so yeah, stress directly impacts.
Diane: Yeah. Yeah. That's super interesting. With PMDD actually, it's a similar thing where I've learned now that there's a, like a two-way relationship with PMDD and stress, or maybe it can be better described as like a vicious cycle where PMDD actually makes you more sensitive to stressors during your luteal phase. And then because you're more sensitive to stress, it's making your symptoms worse.
Ali: Yeah.
Diane: Right. So it's like, it's this vicious cycle.
Ali: Oh, yeah.
Diane: And so because of that, it's a common recommendation to try to manage that stress and find different ways of practicing stress management in your life. So I would imagine that's similar with AS.
WHY STRESS MANAGEMENT HAS TO FIT INSIDE REAL LIFE (22:29)
Ali: Oh, yeah, I, I would agree. With my teaching job and any full-time job, you know, I kind of think about this a lot. You know, people, there's no room for people to manage their health and their mental health and their, their stress management. They don't even think about it because they're constantly running at this, this degree of energy, just like run, run, run.
Ali: You don't even realize that you're under great stress because you're just getting stuff done. You're feeling good. You're like, okay, check, check, check. I'm great. I'm great. Let's go here. Let's go there. We're teaching this lesson now. Okay. Now we have to administer a test, you know? Yeah. There's no room for, for sitting there on a yoga mat and like meditating. You know, like there's no room really for that. And you're going to carve out your precious time on the weekend for that. That's good. But you kind of have to make tuning into yourself and checking in part of your daily routine and life. And then so many people have no chance to do that.
Ali: And I constantly feel so grateful that I'm able financially to not work and my now husband, he supports [the whole thing?], all four of us. So he happily does it because it works out and that's our family's plan. So, you know, healthy wife, healthy life. So not everybody has that. And I, I constantly think about the structure of society and how we've got here and, you know, clearly it makes sense. You have to get a job to make money to own things and to have a life, but at what expenditure? And so many people are suffering. It's, it's such a bummer.
Diane: Yeah, I love that you said that it's really important to try to find ways to check in with yourself daily, if you can. And I agree with you that that's important, but not always accessible for all of us at all times.
Diane: This actually leads to my next question, I think, because speaking of checking in with yourself, you know, daily, I was looking back at your, your blog or your website and the first thing I noticed was like toward the top, you had the words, or the kind of phrases, slow down, focus on the essential, connect to what's important. And also you say about your own experience with AS, that to help alleviate the pain and reduce inflammation, I knew I needed everything to slow down, recalibrate, and align my body with my mind.
Diane: And for me, that really stood out because, you know, in my work with mindfulness and PMDD, that's like such a big part of it right there. You're just kind of encapsulating it right there. And I think that's where I see the connection between minimalism and simple living and mindfulness. And what I like to try to do is share the really practical ways of bringing those things into our life. So can you talk a little bit about how you're trying to slow down and connect to what's important in your life and align your body with your mind? How, how you've tried to do that practically in your life and what that's looked like for you?
A QUICK NOTE ABOUT LIVE BETTER WITH MINDFULNESS FOR PMDD (26:13)
But first, I want to share a little bit about my program. Live Better with Mindfulness for PMDD. It's three months of mindfulness and acceptance coaching developed specifically for those of us living with PMDD. And you can do it and benefit from it really at any stage of your PMDD journey. Because with the tools you'll add to your toolbox, you can put the brakes on when you're freaking out or have something to help you get through life while waiting on a diagnosis.
You'll begin to invite more space between you and your thoughts and feelings so that you can identify less with your PMDD and reconnect more with your true self. And as you discover or rediscover your values, you'll find yourself able to say no to the things that really don't serve you and yes to the things that bring you closer to living the kind of life you want to live, because you can live a richer, more meaningful life with PMDD.
Now, if you're thinking, I've tried mindfulness before, or all that sounds nice, but I just don't feel like I have the capacity right now to sit and do long meditations or learn something new or add one more thing to my life, I hear you. I felt the same. I knew from how mindfulness helped me with PTSD that it could help me with PMDD. But I needed to find a new way to do it. So I created this program where everything's really short and simple. There are no hour-long sessions to sit through, and you don't have to remember to practice mindfulness or try a mindfulness exercise because I'm there inviting you and prompting you throughout the week.
So if you're interested, here's your next step. Go to the show notes and click the link to book a chat with me. There's no cost involved and it's commitment-free and we get to chat PMDD and what's worked for you and what hasn't and what questions you have about the program. I would love to get to meet you. All right, let's get back to the podcast.
UNDERPLANNING, GRATITUDE, AND MAKING ROOM TO FEEL WELL (28:12)
Diane: So can you talk a little bit about how you're trying to slow down and connect to what's important in your life and align your body with your mind? How, how you've tried to do that practically in your life and what that's looked like for you?
Ali: Well, currently it looks like for my family's schedule, because we have to all be on the same page, we under-schedule, we under-plan so that we can have downtime together, and then we're not rushing here, rushing there. My, my kids are young now. They're probably going to get into more activities, but we just have like a one-thing-at-a-time rule. You know, taking them places, we don't do more than one thing really on a day.
Ali: I think the rushing around that people feel is important and the amount like, oh, my kid's in gymnastics and soccer and music. What about yours? You know, it's like, you know, that's a lot and that takes a toll on the parents, you know, and, and the relationship you have with your kids, I think, and also the pace of your household. We have a very slow-paced household, where we have a lot of unstructured playtime.
Ali: And for myself, when the kids are at school, you know, I've carved in like as routine of me going to yoga or doing like going on a walk, if it's a nice day, or running, you know, if I'm training for a race, which I'm not right now because I'm too scared. Just moving my body for 30 minutes a day is really important. And ideally I like to go outside to do that, you know, or do like a structured yoga class, but it's not always the case, and that's fine as long as I, I can get it where I can.
Ali: Like physical minimalism, we only own like what we need and everything has a place. Our house currently is a total mess because the kids are playing downstairs with Legos all weekend. And so that's just what we have. But when you put it, it takes 10 minutes to put everything away and everything has a place.
Ali: Practicing gratitude and just feeling grateful for each day and, like, not being in pain is important to me. Sometimes I, you know, I go around my day and I don't even think about AS, but sometimes I'm like, oh my gosh, like, I, I just like walked, you know, a couple of miles or even just down the stairs. And at one point I couldn't walk down the stairs. So just acknowledging like where I came from and where I am now is, is important.
Ali: Yeah, I would just say like minimizing non-essential activities, focusing on just what is essential for me and the kids and my husband. We are really aligned in all these ideas. We both share these concepts. We, you know, we appreciate the concepts of minimalism in all its forms. So that's really helped us carve out the life that we're leading right now. I would add that it also, all this stuff takes a lot of self-awareness and alignment with ourselves and with each other. So it's not like easy. It's hard.
Diane: Yeah. I hear that. And I hear you saying that, you know, the whole family, the whole household needs to be on the same page. Was that a process of getting to this place where you feel like you've found your way with your schedule and your activities and your mindfulness and gratitude and all of it? Was that a process of getting to this place?
Ali: It was probably a gradual process. I mean, there was never a day where we had to have an intervention and we're like, oh my gosh, like we're doing too many things and it's really affecting this and that. But whenever I have like a little flare-up, you know, like I get my eye infection, usually it's because, like, one of the kids are sick and I'm up all night with them doing something and, you know, the, the lack of sleep with stress, it makes my eye act up.
Ali: But yeah, it's just like a gradual morphing into what we have, but we have to constantly stay on top of it because, you know, there's always, you know, things that are being thrown at us, like let's meet here with this couple for drinks, or let's go out to dinner, and let's go this and that. And it's like we don't say yes to all of that. And to be honest, we don't really seek out those opportunities too often because it really kind of skews our schedules.
Ali: I don't want to sound kind of like an overscheduled maniac, but like, if I don't get enough sleep, like, let's say if we stay out and have dinner and drinks and come home at like 11, the kids are up at 5:30, 6:00 sometimes. Especially on days that we go out, they're up like super early, which is like, and then we don't get enough sleep. And then that, you know, one day of that is not going to hurt the whole, you know, like hurt me physically. But if that happens a lot, then yeah, I feel the physical pain and the repercussions of doing that. So it's just, you know, letting go and saying no to things, 50 percent of the things.
Diane: I feel that. And I, you know, I think I was kind of looking back as you were explaining kind of how, how it happened for you guys and your home. I think it was probably a very similar gradual thing in our home where individual flare-ups might cause me to kind of take a moment, step back, reflect on maybe what the cause may have been or what the new or additional stressors may have been, you know, kind of experiment with changing things, what works, what doesn't, and just practicing more and more.
Diane: And I guess, as I found one thing that worked, bringing that into the fold, and then over time, it was, you know, getting used to that. And then another thing and another thing. Something that you said that I really love is this idea of underplanning. And I would even, in my mind, I would even consider it as maybe not so much underplanning, but prioritizing also planning or building in the time and the space for it. Just like restorative time, right? Knowing that you need that sleep or that quiet time at home or that unstructured play and remembering how important that is and leaving the space for it within your schedule. I love that so much. I, I think that's a huge one.
Diane: I find myself doing similar things where I kind of each day go, okay, what's like the one to three goals max for this day? You know, and you mentioned the gratitude too, which I really love. I know that when we are maybe having a flare-up or when we're at the height of our symptoms or in survival mode, or for those of us who don't yet know what's going on and we're very much still just trying to get some answers, I recognize that finding gratitude can be very challenging.
Diane: And what I've learned just for me personally is that if I can try to do it when I'm actually feeling well, it's something that I can sort of like call on or remember more easily when I'm not feeling well. Do you have particular ways that you like to practice that? Or is it just something that, like, when it comes to, like, I think you were talking about, you know, walking down the stairs or up the stairs, you just try to kind of catch that moment and recognize it?
Ali: Yeah. So yeah, that walking down the stairs example, you know, just, I think it just comes to me in certain times. But you're, you're right. That's a good point. Like, it's really hard to practice gratitude when you're just like, you know, you don't know what's going on, you're having a flare-up, they didn't even diagnose you yet, you're just in pain.
Ali: Or a more common example of like, you know, the kitchen is a complete disaster. The whole house is a mess. The kids haven't been cleaning up and you're just like doing the dishes and you feel like you do the dishes like every single day, and it's just like the worst thing. It just never ends and there's always dishes and laundry to do. But, you know, when I find myself like, oh, I force myself to reframe it in a way that like, wow, like I have a home, I have a husband and children, and I am their mother and it's just such a blessing and I get to have dishes.
Diane: We have dishes to eat.
Ali: Yes, it's amazing. And now I will wash them. And it kind of just, I know that sounds a little forced and a little hokey-pokey, but it really does work, like, for me, it does. And the laundry too. And the laundry is actually a fun opportunity for me to get rid of clothes that don't fit the kids. So I, I always have a bin of stuff that doesn't fit anymore. So I'm like, oh, I don't need to even fold that because that doesn't even fit.
Diane: I love that.
Ali: Yeah. You know, just find little ways to like sneak in like a fun activity or like a fun little goal to like a mundane activity to make gratitude be able to sneak in a little bit easier.
Diane: Yeah. I love that. I love the idea of how can I turn this maybe negative or challenging thought around and look at it from a different perspective, which again, I realize, not always easy to do. But that's also why I try to and why I recommend practicing it when you're feeling good and optimistic.
Diane: And I also love that really practical idea of like the bin for the clothes next to the laundry. I think, yeah, we have a similar thing where we've got like a general donation box in the garage space right next to the laundry. So it's like, you already know where it is. It's easy enough to just take that thing when you think about it, when you think about it and you realize you don't need it, just put it right in that box.
THE WORK STRESS CYCLE SO MANY PEOPLE CAN'T STEP OUT OF (39:00)
Diane: Okay, I am mindful of the time, and I want to ask you, one, if there's anything else that you would like to share, whether it's just more practical tips or any other insights on this topic we're talking about, or even just things that you're working on that you want to share.
Ali: Well, I already shared my bonus that I was going to share earlier about how I constantly think about, you know, the nine-to-five grind and how a lot of people don't have the like built-in time to, to like take a look inside and check in and how it's just like a huge, I don't know, a bummer about society in terms of they don't, you know, jobs don't give us, nine-to-five jobs, you know, full-time jobs, they don't offer that time to just sit with yourself and think about yourself for a minute and then move on.
Ali: I think that's, you know, more than 50 million Americans have some form of autoimmune disease. And I was reading that only 130 or so million Americans have full-time jobs. So how many of those people in the full-time jobs are suffering from autoimmunity? And eight out of 10 workers feel that their autoimmune disease is affecting their quality of work, which kind of segues into what you were saying before, like this vicious cycle. Maybe the work is affecting their quality of life and their quality of living and their, their physical wellbeing.
Ali: So this is something that I'm thinking about as I'm, I'm actually writing a book about my experience with autoimmunity and how minimalism, among other natural methods, has helped me put that disease into remission. So I'm just learning, learning, learning more, learning a lot of science behind it as well.
Diane: So yeah, that's super exciting. I cannot wait for that.
Ali: Oh, might be a while.
Diane: Oh, but I'm going to be keeping my eye out. Okay. Yeah, I just want to respond to your comments about work and chronic illness, because I was just talking to someone about this the other day. We're expected to separate our work from the rest of our lives, whether we're parents or not, whether we have chronic illness or not, and it just makes no sense. It doesn't work because we show up to work as our full selves with all our challenges and wants and needs and, you know, whatever happened the night before at home or what have you.
Diane: And so when you do have something like a chronic illness, which is not only with you all the time, flare-up or not, but can actually be worsened or improved by the sort of conditions you have in and around your work, that's huge. And unfortunately, as you say, so many people do not have a work environment that supports or is beneficial to someone with a chronic illness.
Diane: Were you saying that that's one of the things you plan on or that you're researching for your book?
Ali: Yeah, I'm researching currently like stress and how it can trigger autoimmunity in people who have a genetic proclivity towards autoimmune disease. Like for me, I have what's called the HLA-B27 marker on my white blood cells, and that could be an indicator for a number of autoimmune diseases, including Crohn's disease, I think lupus. But I, you know, I'm still researching, so don't quote me on that, but 100 percent Crohn's disease as well.
Ali: So when you have a genetic marker, it doesn't mean you have an autoimmune disease. It just means that it's there and it is some kind of like inciting stress or incident. It could be trauma. It just can unlock that box, just unleashes the fury on your body. This is what I believe. And again, I'm, I'm looking for research more to support that theory. So, yeah.
Diane: Yeah, well, whenever that book comes out, I'm going to be so excited. All right, Ali, I have absolutely loved chatting with you. Before we go, can you tell us where people can find you?
Ali: Oh, of course. And I've loved chatting with you too. I'm most active on Instagram, as it seems these days. You can find me at Everthrive, E-V-E-R-T-H-R-I-V-E. I have a website as well. It's www.everthrive.org. But I find, and I don't know if you've found this, but people just don't visit websites that much anymore. They just go to social media. They want the whole spiel there, you know, and that's all. They're not going to click on any more links. They just want it all in one spot. So that's why I'm focusing more on Instagram.
Diane: Sounds good to me. That's, that's primarily where I am. Instagram and the podcast.
Ali: Perfect.
Diane: And your website will also be in the show notes so folks can go there. Again, I've just had such a great time chatting with you and learning from you and your experience.
Ali: Aw, thank you, Diane. This has been a pleasure.
Diane: Thank you. Bye bye.
Ali: Bye.
OUTRO (44:40)
Hey, PMDD friend. If you want to be the first to know when a new episode is coming out, head to the show notes to join the Mindfulness for PMDD email list. I'll send you a heads up when I've scheduled a new episode to be published. I'll also give you sneak peeks at topics I'm working on and guests that I've booked.
And maybe you can even submit your requests and suggestions for upcoming episodes. Get on the list in the show notes below this episode.
Thank you so much for listening. If you liked the show, please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. For links to everything mentioned in this episode, you can check out the show notes and you can find me, Diane DeJesus, on Instagram @mindfulnessforpmdd. Now I invite you to pause, take a breath, and look around.
