Meditation: Get Out of the Spiral of Luteal Thoughts
You know the feeling...
You're in your luteal phase and along comes some negative thought--about yourself, your life, your PMDD--and before you even know what is happening you are getting swept up in that thought and down an endless spiral of ruminating on this thought.
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You are now going down the rabbit hole with this thought, unable to let it go, and maybe even believing whatever awful thing this thought is telling you. In this process, you may be starting to feel uncomfortable sensations in your body. (For me, it was often a shaky, 'zinging' or anxious feeling.)
So what can we do to start putting a little space between our thoughts and feelings? To practice becoming less hooked by them...Or less attached?
The meditation offered in this episode (Leaves on a Stream) is one way to start building this skill. I invite you to join me in this practice. -
Title: Meditation: Get Out of the Downward Spiral of Luteal Thoughts
Episode number: 20
Date: 04.19.24
Solo episode: Diane is the only speaker
EXCERPT (00:00:00)
And I want to acknowledge here that if you find yourself doing the same, you are not alone, and it's really common. The thoughts and feelings that PMDD creates in us are really intense. So it's not your fault, and you're not doing something wrong if and when you find yourself getting hooked into these thoughts and getting sort of swept away in them.
I want you to know that whatever these thoughts and feelings are telling you about yourself or your life, you are already [enough?]. You are not your thoughts and feelings. You are already perfect just as you are, and your needs are valid and valuable.
INTRO (00:01:01)
If you want to learn how you can live better with PMDD, this podcast was created for you. This is Mindfulness for PMDD with Diane. I'm Diane and I'm a registered dietitian and lactation consultant. I'm also a mom, a PMDD warrior, and a trauma-informed mindfulness teacher. And this is where I discuss topics related to PMDD through the lens of mindfulness and meditation and where I share all about how mindfulness has gotten me to a place of greater peace and acceptance with my PMDD.
I also chat with people who have helped and inspired me along the way so they can share their wisdom with you too. So let's get started.
SAFETY NOTE / DISCLAIMER (00:01:57)
The following is a mindfulness exercise or meditation. So if you're driving or otherwise distracted, I invite you to save it for a time when you can find yourself a moment of comfortable stillness and practice safely. If now's that time, let's get started.
A PRACTICE FOR LETTING LUTEAL THOUGHTS PASS BY (00:02:15)
So today we are going to practice a meditation called Leaves on a Stream, and I find it to be a nice exercise in allowing our thoughts to come and go without getting hooked by them. Meaning, without attaching ourselves to our thoughts, without ruminating on them, without believing them, and just letting the brain do what it does, which is to constantly offer up new thoughts and feelings.
And so, we're practicing making space for these thoughts to just be. And we're making space for ourselves to see if we can maybe view these thoughts and feelings from a distance. Not automatically taking each one as something we must react to, that we must kind of follow into that downward spiral, which is how it often feels to me.
So often when we're confronted with a negative thought, or an uncomfortable feeling, or a challenging situation, we can react on autopilot. So, for example, for a long time, when I noticed myself starting to feel really agitated, irritable, ragey, short-tempered, brain foggy, self-loathing, depressed, you name it, my autopilot was to immediately extrapolate this single luteal phase experience, this one moment, this snapshot of my larger PMDD experience, and I would, like, immediately apply it to the rest of my life.
So I would envision this horrible moment happening over and over again, every month for the foreseeable future. And of course that made me feel so hopeless. And the fact that I felt like I had done everything I possibly could and was still feeling this way made me feel helpless and just stuck.
And so this would all come out of, let's say, feeling so brain foggy that I couldn't get my work done and then hating myself for it. Right? So there's an example of hooking oneself to a difficult thought or a difficult moment and identifying yourself with that moment and just ruminating on it. Just, just letting yourself be sucked up by it, stuck into it, and just following that thought down, down, down, that, that rabbit hole, that drain.
And I want to acknowledge here that if you find yourself doing the same, you are not alone, and it's really common. The thoughts and feelings that PMDD creates in us are really intense. So it's not your fault, and you're not doing something wrong if and when you find yourself getting hooked into these thoughts and getting sort of swept away in them.
I want you to know that whatever these thoughts and feelings are telling you about yourself or your life, you are already [enough?]. You are not your thoughts and feelings. You are already perfect just as you are, and your needs are valid and valuable.
So when it comes to Leaves on a Stream, I also think that this particular meditation can be a good example of how mindfulness practice can help set us up for meeting a future luteal phase with maybe a little more ease and a little more openness.
It is a visualization. And so I think the visual aspect of this one is good for showing us how, if we find a way to let a thought just be and pass us by and not engage with it quite so much, then we might find it a bit easier to keep some space between ourselves and our thoughts and carry on doing whatever it was we were doing before the thought came along. Maybe we weren't walking through the woods and stumbling upon a tree or a stream, excuse me, but whatever it was we were doing.
Or maybe it's not a good example. I mean, if you're a visual person, maybe this one is more impactful for you than it might be for someone who isn't a visual person. So, for example, I did find that when I started meditating, I didn't love visualizations. And I found them a bit tricky. But after sticking with them over time, I came to appreciate them. And this one in particular has become a favorite of mine. So, who knows, maybe you'll give it a try and see how it feels for you.
And practicing something like this, or any mindfulness exercise, in our good days might make it a bit easier to access this skill or these skills in our more challenging days. Because practicing a new skill or a new meditation in a difficult moment can feel almost impossible for many of us. Think about how out of control you might feel sometimes in luteal and how trying to even remember to apply a brand new skill might not even be something that feels accessible to you.
But I did find that over time, the practice of meditations like these and mindfulness exercises, particularly practicing them in my good times, set me up with a toolbox of tools and skills that I could begin to access each time, quote unquote, hell week came along.
But first, I want to share a little bit about my program, Live Better with Mindfulness for PMDD. It's three months of mindfulness and acceptance coaching developed specifically for those of us living with PMDD, and you can do it and benefit from it really at any stage of your PMDD journey, because with the tools you'll add to your toolbox, you can put the brakes on when you're freaking out or have something to help you get through life while waiting on a diagnosis.
You'll begin to invite more space between you and your thoughts and feelings so that you can identify less with your PMDD and reconnect more with your true self. And as you discover or rediscover your values, you'll find yourself able to say no to the things that really don't serve you and yes to the things that bring you closer to living the kind of life you want to live, because you can live a richer, more meaningful life with PMDD.
Now, if you're thinking, I've tried mindfulness before, or all that sounds nice, but I just don't feel like I have the capacity right now to sit and do long meditations or learn something new or add one more thing to my life, I hear you. I felt the same. I knew from how mindfulness helped me with PTSD that it could help me with PMDD. But I needed to find a new way to do it.
So I created this program where everything's really short and simple. There are no hour-long sessions to sit through and you don't have to remember to practice mindfulness or try a mindfulness exercise because I'm there inviting you and prompting you throughout the week.
So if you're interested, here's your next step. Go to the show notes and click the link to book a chat with me. There's no cost involved and it's commitment-free and we get to chat PMDD and what's worked for you and what hasn't and what questions you have about the program. I would love to get to meet you.
All right, let's get back to the podcast.
Okay. So before we get into the meditation, I want to share that this is going to be the last episode of season one of this podcast. My family and I change our home base in the summer, my son will be getting out of school, so I will be switching gears. I'm also going to be focusing more on how I would like to share acceptance and commitment training with you all.
And so this podcast will be back with season two in the fall. I've got some interviews already queued up for season two that I'm really excited about, and I can't wait to share. We're going to be looking into the concept of acceptance and the experience of living with ADHD and the parallels between ADHD and PMDD, as well the experience of living with ADHD in combination with some form of premenstrual disorder.
In the meanwhile, you can still go back through previous episodes of this podcast if you haven't listened to them already, or if you want to go back and review. I also have a few meditations on Insight Timer, which is a free meditation app. I'll be sending any updates through my email newsletter, which you're welcome to join. I'll add some info on that at the end of this episode and in the show notes. And if you get on that list, I will be asking for topic ideas and what you all want to hear. And you'll still be able to find me on Instagram.
So I think that's it for housekeeping. And I think we can move on to our meditation now.
MINDFULNESS MOMENT: LEAVES ON A STREAM (00:14:19)
Remember that you don't need to follow along if you're not comfortable and to take only what serves you and leave the rest behind, even if that means stopping the exercise completely.
So, closing your eyes, or just lowering the gaze to rest on a single spot in front of you.
I invite you to watch your thoughts for a moment, noticing what thoughts and feelings come to mind, and seeing if you can just allow them to come along.
Now see if you can imagine leaves floating on the surface of a stream. The leaves are floating on the surface of the stream and floating past you, carried away by the current.
Can you see the colors of the leaves?
The shapes?
Can you hear the gurgling or rushing of the water?
And for each thought or feeling that comes to mind, see if you can kindly acknowledge it, and then gently place it on a leaf and watch as it floats away in the stream.
I invite you to sit with that for a moment, if you can.
Allowing the thoughts and feelings to come along. Letting them take their place on a leaf and watching them float by on the stream.
Notice if you can allow those thoughts to come and go.
You don't need to respond to them, judge them, fix them.
If you catch yourself getting hooked into your thoughts or notice that your mind has wandered off, see if you can thank your brain for doing what it does and allow yourself to come back to your image of the leaves on the stream.
You are practicing awareness and acceptance and letting go. There's no right or wrong here. If you're doing it, you're doing it right.
And as and when you're ready, slowly open your eyes and come back into the room.
Great. Well done. So the next time your headspace feels a bit full of thoughts or feelings, you might choose to give that a try. Just pause for a minute and let those thoughts come and go like leaves on a stream.
OUTRO (00:18:44)
Hey, PMDD friend. If you want to be the first to know when a new episode is coming out, head to the show notes to join the Mindfulness for PMDD email list. I'll send you a heads up when I've scheduled a new episode to be published. I'll also give you sneak peeks at topics I'm working on and guests that I've booked. And maybe you can even submit your requests and suggestions for upcoming episodes. Get on the list of the show notes below this episode.
Thank you so much for listening. If you liked the show, please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. For links to everything mentioned in this episode, you can check out the show notes and you can find me, Diane DeJesus, on Instagram @mindfulnessforpmdd. Now, I invite you to pause, take a breath, and look around.
